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Beginner
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
Today, I went to an amateur baseball game with some family and friends. When our team hit a home run, my grandpa took it upon himself to start screaming wildly, removing his prosthetic leg and waving it jubilantly in the air. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22423) - you deserved it (3567)
On 07/08/2011 at 9:24am - misc - by Username - United States
Today, I had some hot phone sex with my long-distance girlfriend. Half-way through, my mom stormed in, and told me I was disgusting and sick for doing it in the same room as my brother. I forgot about the baby monitor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11993) - you deserved it (46422)
On 05/02/2011 at 2:46pm - intimacy - by hornyloser (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was so sick that I was puking and had the runs. While on the toilet, I yelled for my boyfriend to get me a bowl to puke in. As I did so, I saw that a ton of it was forming on the floor in dots. My boyfriend had given me a spaghetti strainer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32812) - you deserved it (2858)
On 05/02/2011 at 9:51am - health - by megomania (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, and ever since I was born, I've had a lazy eye. This morning my boyfriend broke up with me. He thought it was funny to state that we just weren't looking at life in the same way. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24831) - you deserved it (2279) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/17/2011 at 1:24am - love - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins
Today, my boyfriend decided to re-enact a scene from Family Guy. He locked me in the car with him and farted deadly ones repeatedly. He wouldn't let me out until I learned to "love the gas." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29294) - you deserved it (5840)
On 01/04/2011 at 3:09pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Reserved
Today, on the train, I was bitten by a homeless man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31449) - you deserved it (2973)
On 12/29/2010 at 2:03am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I realized that I'll have to explain to my child that mommy and daddy met on World of Warcraft. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10581) - you deserved it (36344)
On 12/29/2010 at 12:20am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my sixteen year old son told me that he's following his guidance counselor's advice: to do what his hero does for a living. The problem? His hero is SpongeBob Squarepants. His ambition in life is to become a fry cook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18283) - you deserved it (2911)
On 11/07/2010 at 3:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I was tidying my room when my gran came in and offered to help. I said I didn't need any, but she started going through it anyway. She found a tube of "Very Cherry" lube and asked what it was. I subtly tore off the label and tried to convince her it was a face mask. She's taken it to try it out tonight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17915) - you deserved it (5797)
On 10/10/2010 at 4:29pm - intimacy - by Dilly - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, and dropped a condom in the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (45815) - you deserved it (20903)
On 07/21/2009 at 3:45pm - intimacy - by uh-oh (woman) - United States (New Mexico)
Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML
I agree, your life sucks (69619) - you deserved it (4103)
On 07/21/2009 at 12:39am - intimacy - by fmjob (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)
Today, I called my boyfriend and when he answered, I said the dirtiest thing I could think of to him on the phone. After a long silence, I heard, "Lacey? Is that you?" I accidentally called my dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14644) - you deserved it (49499)
On 07/11/2009 at 11:13am - intimacy - by crazyt446 (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was in charge of throwing a party for my mom. I told my little brother he was suppose to blow up the balloons which were in my dresser. Apparently, he accidentally found all my condoms, unknowingly, and decorated the house in prophylactics instead of balloons. Happy Birthday, Mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36769) - you deserved it (18683)
On 07/07/2009 at 3:43pm - intimacy - by Ryan (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (41195) - you deserved it (115414)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, I was riding my bike and stopped at a street light. A little girl looked at me, then asked her mother, "Mommy, why does that girl have a ring through her nose?" Her mother then replied, "Because her parents don't love her." FML
I agree, your life sucks (54737) - you deserved it (12632)
On 04/05/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
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