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bartender

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  • Number of visits : 2759
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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bartender's page activity

Visits<b>Federgirl</b> - the 05/13/2014 at 12:34am<b>lolthatonedude</b> - the 02/14/2014 at 12:18am<b>pearlgiggles</b> - the 02/04/2014 at 9:18am<b>kupokid94</b> - the 10/17/2013 at 2:49am<b>bubblz2</b> - the 09/27/2013 at 5:24pm<b>maddiiee00</b> - the 06/01/2013 at 5:51pm<b>randomblob</b> - the 09/09/2009 at 11:10pm<b>ch2358</b> - the 09/08/2009 at 11:05pm<b>leero</b> - the 06/22/2009 at 7:46pm<b>roflstephh</b> - the 06/22/2009 at 7:12pm

bartender's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

bartender's favorite FMLs

Today, at my bachelorette party, I got so wasted, I ended up giving my stripper a lap dance because he "wasn't doing it properly". There's photos. FML

#5015078
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8780) - you deserved it (46254)

On 09/03/2009 at 2:47am - misc - by sexyfreak2510 (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I was driving into a parking lot with some friends. I carelessly passed a sign when my friend said, "Wait what did that sign say?" I backed up to read it and guess what it said: "Severe Tire Damage. Do Not Back Up." Now all 4 of my tires are slashed. FML

#5006277
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15285) - you deserved it (38176)

On 09/02/2009 at 8:18pm - misc - by ooops (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while emailing my very young, attractive teacher to ask a question, my hand slipped. Too bad you can't unsend emails that say "Can we meet after school some time? I have some thongs I'd like to discuss with you." FML

#4956234
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36710) - you deserved it (10156)

On 08/31/2009 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to buy another pair of 'fat jeans', because my old 'fat jeans' became my new 'skinny jeans'. FML

#4926734
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22728) - you deserved it (53689)

On 08/30/2009 at 10:15am - misc - by FML (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to explain to my father why most of the bar was giving him dirty looks at a concert. His air guitar motions made it look like he was jacking off under the table. FML

#4921457
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34567) - you deserved it (2565)

On 08/30/2009 at 1:25am - intimacy - by Embarassed (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was feeling sick and I farted so loud in the school's girls bathroom. Some boys overheard from the hall and called everyone over. I came out only to find about 20 guys staring anxiously at the bathroom's door to see who I was. FML

#4883657
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47687) - you deserved it (6324)

On 08/28/2009 at 2:30pm - health - by minnie (woman) - United States

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

#4882481
346 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62976) - you deserved it (16001)

On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, my husband and I decided to take a romantic trip to the beach. We got pulled over, and shortly thereafter he was arrested. Just so happens you can't miss child support payments for your twelve year old daughter without getting a warrant. He has a daughter? We've been married for 14 years. FML

#4845223
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62305) - you deserved it (3131)

On 08/26/2009 at 8:57pm - misc - by AreYouSerious (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my little sister recieved a fairy costume from my aunt. She put it on and waves her wand at me. She said,"Abra cadabra bibbity poo. I wish Sydney was pretty." When I did nothing, she put her hands on her hips and says,"Cant you just act pretty?" FML

#4839139
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39540) - you deserved it (4921)

On 08/26/2009 at 4:31pm - kids - by yummolives (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML

#4837442
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47637) - you deserved it (4094)

On 08/26/2009 at 2:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to a concert. Knowing these concerts usually include a lot of black lights, I decided to wear a black T-shirt so I wouldn't glow. I was having a good time, but about halfway through I noticed someone pointing to my shoulder. I looked down to see my dandruff glowing. FML

#4826832
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32109) - you deserved it (16029)

On 08/26/2009 at 12:29am - misc - by Raaar (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, on a plane I was showing my brother the life jackets kept under the seat. After pulling on what I thought was the lifejacket, I then realized that they were kept in the arm rest to my right and for the last five minutes I had been pulling on the foot of the man who was sitting behind me. FML

#4826792
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8821) - you deserved it (36003)

On 08/26/2009 at 12:28am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was walking with my husband, holding hands, when a man with a rainbow shirt on came up to us. He said, "I'm so glad that gay men can go out in public without being embarassed nowdays!" He patted me on the back and walked away. I'm a woman. FML

#4823053
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47685) - you deserved it (5831)

On 08/25/2009 at 10:16pm - misc - by offendedfemme (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I posted a status update on Facebook about how much I liked the Season Finale of NBC's "Heroes". My hand slipped to the right and it came out as "I really love Herpes. It's much better than everyone says it is". I didn't notice for few hours. FML

#4774065
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20795) - you deserved it (38097)

On 08/24/2009 at 12:28am - misc - by NotThatKind (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I caught my dad squishing my stick-on bra cups in his hands, trying to figure out what they are. He's an engineer who graduated from MIT. I still don't think he knows what they are. FML



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