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bartender

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 2716
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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bartender's page activity

Visits<b>Federgirl</b> - the 05/13/2014 at 12:34am<b>lolthatonedude</b> - the 02/14/2014 at 12:18am<b>pearlgiggles</b> - the 02/04/2014 at 9:18am<b>kupokid94</b> - the 10/17/2013 at 2:49am<b>bubblz2</b> - the 09/27/2013 at 5:24pm<b>maddiiee00</b> - the 06/01/2013 at 5:51pm<b>randomblob</b> - the 09/09/2009 at 11:10pm<b>ch2358</b> - the 09/08/2009 at 11:05pm<b>leero</b> - the 06/22/2009 at 7:46pm<b>roflstephh</b> - the 06/22/2009 at 7:12pm

bartender's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

bartender's favorite FMLs

Today, I was ecstatic after spending the night with my longtime crush, when he told me he felt something. I poured my heart and soul out to him, confessing my love for him too. Unfortunately, he was referring to a lump in my left breast, which I now need to get checked out. FML

#7544484
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30138) - you deserved it (3917)

On 01/24/2010 at 1:12pm - health - by LadyLump (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I called a suicide prevention hotline. No one picked up. FML

#7542505
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62827) - you deserved it (6220)

On 01/24/2010 at 11:12am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I asked my friend who is a fashion major why she didn't want to use me as a model for her senior project. She said my boobs were too big. I doubt it'd have been an issue if I were a girl. FML

#7523992
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25102) - you deserved it (7252)

On 01/23/2010 at 4:44pm - health - by fatty (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while in the shower with my girlfriend she was going on and on about how she thinks she's fat when she's in perfect shape. With what she said still on my mind, I meant to say "honey, you're so beautiful", but accidentally said "honey, you're so fat". I'll be sleeping alone tonight. FML

#7460932
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13309) - you deserved it (29935)

On 01/20/2010 at 7:23pm - love - by showerpower (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, while babysitting a six year old boy, he asked me if I could show him my "boobies." I said no, that wouldn't be very appropriate. Suddenly, he pulled down his pants/undies and pointed to his package while exclaiming, "Look, my penis is on again!" It was pointing RIGHT at me. FML

#7404915
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36527) - you deserved it (3488)

On 01/17/2010 at 7:32pm - kids - by Michele (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML

#7379683
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33294) - you deserved it (3194)

On 01/16/2010 at 3:19pm - health - by dire-rear (woman) - Singapore

Today, while at work at a maternity and baby clothes store, I was supposed to send out an email about our "Beat the Clock" sale. After it was sent to over 500 people, I realized that I'd misspelled the subject line. It read, "Beat the Cock Sale." FML

#7336635
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11708) - you deserved it (28328)

On 01/14/2010 at 10:55am - work - by Oops (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went to visit my aunt who recently was released from an institution. She had leftover Christmas cookies so I began snacking on them. They tasted a bit off so I inquired about the ingredients. She told me they only had white icing so she used Crayola markers to give them color. FML

#7101732
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24174) - you deserved it (5093)

On 01/02/2010 at 8:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my mother confronted me about my bird's masturbation problem. We spent christmas eve googling "bird masturbating" and watching videos to see if that was actually what my bird was doing. At least he's having a good christmas. FML

#6933145
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22949) - you deserved it (2931)

On 12/25/2009 at 1:25am - animals - by suuuuuupucci (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of Fight Club. I asked a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules. FML

#6923345
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26617) - you deserved it (11813)

On 12/24/2009 at 3:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I stepped outside for a smoke. It was 1 a.m. Thinking no one was around, I let out a series of loud, nasty-sounding farts. I looked over to my left to see the neighbor, whom I've never met, also smoking, and staring at me. That was his first impression of me. FML

#6915702
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9053) - you deserved it (28982)

On 12/24/2009 at 2:00am - misc - by FlGirl (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was in a meeting at work. In the middle of our CEO's speech, I farted. Everyone heard including my boss, who looked over and said, "Do you have anything else you wanted to add?" FML

#6708463
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15418) - you deserved it (21206)

On 12/11/2009 at 1:11pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my grandpa was wearing flip flops and white socks. He entered my restroom, and the moment he did it, I realized there was no toilet paper left. I felt too ashamed to interrupt his dump, so I waited for him to ask for paper, he never did and came out without socks. FML

#6695644
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28069) - you deserved it (4751)

On 12/10/2009 at 4:03pm - misc - by dayum (man) - Mexico (Chihuahua)

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML

#6683898
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7791) - you deserved it (34449)

On 12/09/2009 at 7:53pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I learned the hard way that if you walk up to a hobo by your car pooping, they will chase you yelling, "Get out of my bathroom!" FML

#6166961
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30020) - you deserved it (3707)

On 11/05/2009 at 12:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)



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