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banan001's favorite FMLs
Today, I went into work and noticed one of my fellow colleagues had a large bunch of flowers on her desk. As soon as I saw her, I immediately said, "Happy Birthday!" Everyone went quiet. It wasn't her birthday; her father had died. FML
by Anonymous / 06/04/2009 at 10:09am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
Today, I was in a bathroom stall peeing. Shortly after, I heard a couple enter the bathroom, both extremely drunk. They then had sex standing up against the stall I was in, blocking my only exit. I had to sit, wait, and listen as both parties finished. FML
by dammitall / 05/15/2009 at 2:49pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML
by keeks_25 / 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML
by Dunzo15 / 05/02/2009 at 2:28am / United States (New York) / Work
Today, I had an interview for a job in a professor's lab. He seemed like a really nice, grandfatherly old guy. We got up to go take a look around the lab, and he held out his arms really wide to me... so I went in for a hug. Turns out he was just gesturing for me to go through the door first. FML
by Kylene / 04/23/2009 at 3:51pm / United States (Georgia) / Work
Today, I went out for a smoke break. A homeless person walks up to me and asks for a cig. As I pull out my pack he says "Oh... Menthols... no I don't smoke that cheap shit". I was called cheap by a hobo. FML
by Kaboom / 04/21/2009 at 8:52am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, for april fools day, my entire class decided to prank our religion teacher. During our daily meditation time, while his eyes were closed, we slowly got out of our seats and left the classroom. Two minutes later he opened his eyes, locked us out, and called the dean to give us all detention. FML
by aprilfooled / 04/02/2009 at 12:22am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was leaving to go over to a friend's and my parents suddenly ask if I'm gay. I reply that no, I'm bisexual. My mom then asks if I've ever made out with someone of the same sex and I say yes. She turns to my dad and says 'I told you so. You owe me $20'. My parents bet on my sexuality. FML
by Syferix / 03/18/2009 at 6:42pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML
by thankskimi / 03/15/2009 at 2:29pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I was standing on a balcony smoking a cigarette when I noticed a woman giving me strange looks. When I put the cigarette out and went to walk inside she said "You shouldn't smoke while you're pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML
by justfat / 03/11/2009 at 8:04pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML
by TuralSucks / 03/10/2009 at 9:10pm / United States (Nebraska) / Love
by Elis / 03/01/2009 at 3:49am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I met this really attractive guy who introduced himself as Wyan. He was really cool and sweet and we got along pretty well. Then someone informed me that his name is Ryan and that he has a speech impediment, AFTER I had been referring to him as Wyan for quite some time. FML
by hellosaila / 02/27/2009 at 2:58am / United States (California) / Love
by j0hn / 02/22/2009 at 9:35pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by lalalee / 02/18/2009 at 5:59pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't…
- Today, I finally agreed to the threesome that my husband has been trying to persuade me to have. We… Today, my high-strung and normally very proper mother took twice her prescribed dose of Ambien, and… Today, I realized that my husband and I are at that point in our marriage where "sleeping together"…