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Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (54611) - you deserved it (12512)
On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I went to a bookstore and asked the sales woman,"Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14462) - you deserved it (37840)
On 08/04/2009 at 12:45am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I went to buy lunch at a grocery store. The total was 3 pounds, and my card got rejected for insufficient funds. I fished about for change, and found I only had 2 pounds. A homeless man behind me in the queue then offered to give me the remaining pound. A homeless man paid my lunch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34627) - you deserved it (10964)
On 07/29/2009 at 10:24am - money - by faentalivetmitt (woman) - Norway (Oslo)
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (91562) - you deserved it (27416)
On 07/26/2009 at 1:57am - love - by treegirl (woman) - United States
Today, I learned when you're babysitting a 5 year old, and you hear the toilet flush and then the words "uh oh", it's already too late. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34053) - you deserved it (4861)
On 07/20/2009 at 2:45pm - kids - by Pooperscooper - Sent from mobile version
Today, I brought a friend who I have loved for years out to a nice restaurant for dinner. I ordered an expensive bottle of wine, and poured each of us a glass. As I was about to tell her I loved her, she raised her glass for a toast and said "A toast to friendship!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (45127) - you deserved it (6156)
On 06/25/2009 at 6:24pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my boyfriend called me and I told him about the AnimeCon I'm attending, and that I wanted to go as Sailor Mars, he told me he had no idea what that was. After being mad for about ten minutes, I realized that I wanted to break up with him over not knowing what Sailor Moon was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7771) - you deserved it (59637)
On 06/22/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)
Today, for my birthday, my brother gave me some of those fake 'Harry Potter' edible cockroaches. I ate one. It wasn't fake. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47679) - you deserved it (8027)
On 05/23/2009 at 11:01pm - misc - by partygirlxxx - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I was sitting in a theater waiting for the movie to start when a hot guy sat next to me. Trying to impress him, I made seemingly witty comments to my friend throughout the movie. When it ended he loudly complained to his friends about the annoying girl sitting next to him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5478) - you deserved it (71079)
On 05/04/2009 at 5:56pm - love - by anon (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was driving home from school, when I saw this girl I like walking home. Trying to be polite, I pulled over and asked if she wanted a ride. After my offer, I was rejected as she said "No, I'm actually already home," and walked up the nearest driveway... MY driveway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (67324) - you deserved it (4700)
On 04/16/2009 at 9:16pm - love - by Kelavmeister (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my Dad called me to tell me that he had finally won the lottery and that I no longer had to worry about trying to find a way to pay for school. I was so excited I started crying. He then told me that he won $5 on a scratch off lotto ticket. He bought a sandwich. Funny dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49308) - you deserved it (6951)
On 04/11/2009 at 12:13pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (199562) - you deserved it (58874)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was on a third date with a girl. Things had been going really well. At one point, the conversation lulled. After a moment of silence, she asked me what my greatest fantasy was. I told her that it was being a superhero. She told me that she meant sexual fantasy. I'm 25. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18700) - you deserved it (51612)
On 03/23/2009 at 2:46am - intimacy - by whatever (man) - United States (North Dakota)
Today, I asked a very cute fireman for his number "just in case I needed him to come to my rescue"... He told me "Yeah sure!" and scribbled it down. After he walked away I read his note: "911". FML
I agree, your life sucks (13996) - you deserved it (38916)
On 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I told a girl I liked her. She replied, "Don't". FML
I agree, your life sucks (48497) - you deserved it (4332)
On 02/19/2009 at 2:08am - love - by grlks (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Monday 20 May 2013
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