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babylancer's favorite FMLs

Today, things were getting heated with the girlfriend. We were mostly naked, but mostly wouldn't do, so I kissed her deeply and whispered into her ear, "You should lose some weight". Clothes. I meant to say clothes. FML

Today, I was showing my 6-year-old son how easy and safe it is to ride a bike. I didn't notice a pebble, bust up my leg and my son is now terrified of bicycles. FML


I agree, your life sucks (36251) - you deserved it (5852)

On 09/26/2013 at 6:56pm - kids - by NoBikesForYou (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML


I agree, your life sucks (44240) - you deserved it (4131)

On 03/05/2013 at 7:07pm - kids - by cjw - United States

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML


I agree, your life sucks (53414) - you deserved it (15101)

On 01/28/2013 at 12:03am - intimacy - by yourmainman (man) - Canada

Today, in a parking lot, a girl came up to our car and started to knock on the window and scream, "I KNEW IT!" My girlfriend doesn't believe that I don't know her. FML


I agree, your life sucks (30777) - you deserved it (2300)

On 06/03/2012 at 11:20am - misc - by Apissedoffguy - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend called me, panicking. Apparently he had a headache, but wasn't concentrating on what tablets he grabbed, and accidentally took tablets for "relief of period pain". He was convinced he was going to grow ovaries overnight. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26374) - you deserved it (2736)

On 05/29/2012 at 3:54am - health - by sopheeah - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my mom was put in jail for beating the shit out of my dad. FML


I agree, your life sucks (38904) - you deserved it (2929)

On 03/17/2012 at 12:53am - misc - by Taylor Easley - United States (California)

Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34405) - you deserved it (3195)

On 03/11/2012 at 3:36am - love - by Tristan Brantley - United States (California)

Today, I was humming the Star Wars theme song while on the bus. When my stop came I walked down the aisle only to hear a girl mutter, "The virginity is strong in this one." She's right. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25748) - you deserved it (19339)

On 03/10/2012 at 1:50am - misc - by starboy - United States (California)

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