About baby4mommy : My name is Jamie. My cat Sparkle and I share an apartment just across the river from NYC. In college I studied fine art with an emphasis on oil painting, illustration and a minor in art history. I had a successful career and business until a visit to the ER left me in a coma for 21 weeks. I woke up paralyzed ... unable to even turn my head. After a lengthy recovery at St. Charles and Kessler Institutes I learned how to breathe again without a machine. I also recovered some feeling (about 35%) from above the elbows and upwards. With no feeling below the elbows I am still technically a quadriplegic or partial quad so resuming my art career is still off the table for now. I am highly optimistic about employment as a human doorstop or paperweight.
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baby4mommy's favorite FMLs
Today, I helped my orchestra teacher out and played with a double quartet for a faculty meeting. When it came time to introduce us, he called out the names of the seven other students and then admitted in front of everyone that he'd forgotten my name. I've been one of his top students for 3 years. FML
by theinfiniteend / 08/24/2016 at 7:59pm / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, my manager challenged me to make two big sales at work. Seeing as customers spend a lot of money in our store, I decided the challenge was fairly easy and accepted. She immediately started stealing all of my sales. FML
by Anonymous / 08/24/2016 at 4:27pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I woke up to my husband's face. That'd be nice if he hadn't turned his eyelids inside out, waiting to scare me. I was scared alright. So scared that I pissed myself and broke my side table falling out of bed. FML
Today, my dad's psycho ex broke in and had a meltdown about how he's dating another woman now. She's barely 100 pounds, yet it took me and my brother several minutes and one smashed shin to finally manage to drag her out of the house, all while my dad called the cops. FML
by Anonymous / 08/24/2016 at 8:16am / Miscellaneous
Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually lose anything. Instead, my mom drunkenly admitted to tossing my stuff away and then punishing me for it whenever she was mad at me. FML
by WellPlayedMother / 08/24/2016 at 2:15am / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw my new pet fish completely missing the food at the bottom of his tank and sucking up the little rocks instead. My last dog died from eating rocks. I think I'm doomed to have insanely stupid pets. FML
by StupidPets / 08/23/2016 at 11:09pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
Today, after two weeks of intense detective work, I found out my wife isn't cheating on me after all. She really has just been going out and playing table tennis with her friend like she said. Who the hell even plays table tennis? FML
by Anonymous / 08/23/2016 at 8:40am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about it. My brother ended up saying "If god doesn't want me to jerk off, how come he made my knob the perfect shape to fit in my hand?" I burst out laughing and now we're both grounded. FML
Today, I gave my boss 2 weeks notice for me leaving work, as I had received a better job offer with twice the pay. I thought he took it well until I heard him mutter under his breath, "About fucking time." FML
Today, I had to ask my sister if she'd shit her pants because the smell of poop was following us around Paris. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I had to ask an eighteen-year-old, or that she said yes and didn't do anything. FML
by smellsfunnyinfrance / 08/21/2016 at 12:43pm / United Kingdom / Holidays
by Anonymous / 08/21/2016 at 5:21am / Ukraine (Kyyiv) / Miscellaneous
Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of my grandfather's funeral and my cousin started cracking up. It caused a chain reaction of laughter throughout all of the other cousins and my siblings. Now my aunts won't speak to any of us. FML
by sillymink / 08/19/2016 at 10:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by CyberPsycho / 08/19/2016 at 4:57pm / United States (Tennessee) / Health
by Anonymoose / 08/19/2016 at 4:06pm / Miscellaneous