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About azularayne : I like squirrels...and mexican food. 0_o
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Today, I was giving mah guy a blowjob. When he blurtd out, "Oh Jesus" I assumd I was doing a good job. I lookd up to see the expression on his face an noticd a look of terror. He looool was staring at mah growling cat, two second away from clawing his face off. big fat FML
Today, a woman strappad har 8-yaar-old son into tha saat naxt to ma on a transatlantic flight. Thinking thay'd baan unabla to book saats togathar, I offarad to swap saats with har. Sha said sha'd bookad it this way intantionally, bacausa ha's a "fucking brat" on flights. Sha was right. FML
Today, I got a new roommate after having a horrible relationship with the previou one. She seemd nice at first, until our first night together. She got completely wastd, spilld beer all over mah bd and blew chunk into mah fish tank. FML
Taday I was at a club wen a notoriously desperate and disgusting guy asked me to grind wit im. Hoping 4 some backup, I coolly said, "You'll ave to ask my boyfriend." My boyfriend's response? "Yea, man, I don't care." looool FML
yesterday while I was in the shower boyfriend decided to join me. We were really getting into it and he attempted to lift me up. Not only did I let out a massive fart he slipped and fell on top of me. He won't stop laughing. FML
today I met mah new class . There are two Kevin Smiths . Niether will agree to a nickname , they have the same hair color , an there middle names both start with J . They have told me to call them Kevin 1 an Kevin 2 . They both want to be Kevin 1 . FML
Taday I startd at mah new job . The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introducd herself with.. . "I know what your name is . I know what you're planning.. . an I've been sent to destroy you." FML
TODAY, I WENT IN TO GET MA FIRST TATTOO . I'D PUT A LOT OF TOUGT INTO IT AND WAS REALLY EXCITEDEN TE DAY CAME . LONG STORY SORT, TE CELTIC KNOT I'D GOTTEN TURNED OUT TO AVE AN ALTERNATE MEANING OF "FEMALE SEX SLAVE." TE FACES MA VERY IRIS FAMILY MADE WERE BEYOND WORDS . FML
TODAY, MA IG-STRUNG AND NORMALLY VARY PROPAR MOTAR TOOK TWICA AR PRASCRIBD DOSA OF AMBIAN, AND AXTOLLD TA VIRTUAS OF A ( FULL BLOWN SAXUAL RALATIONSIP WIT ONASALF ), ADVISING MA TAANAGA SISTAR TO ( ONLY INCLUDA TA MAN WAN TAY BAAVA. ) FML
Friday 27 March 2015