About awkward_gothlady : Creative. Eccentric. Shy. Fun. Cat person. Crazy.
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awkward_gothlady's favorite FMLs
Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML
by Anonymous / 08/26/2012 at 7:39pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I had to pee so bad that I ran downstairs with no glasses on and stumbled into the bathroom, half blind. I sat down on the toilet and realized just a little late that my older sister and her boyfriend were having sex in the bathtub. FML
by Anonymous / 08/26/2012 at 1:46am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I learned that just because the actual part of the pan that does touch the stove isn't hot doesn't mean that the handle won't give you third degree burns, a broken nose from passing out from the pain, and an expensive trip to the emergency room. FML
by Anonymous / 08/25/2012 at 9:15am / United States / Health
Today, I found out that my crush didn't remember calling me beautiful, telling me he liked me, or any of the other romantic things he said to me while drunk last night. He did however remember me promising to bake him cookies. FML
by coolcocoxxx / 08/25/2012 at 2:53am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, after getting home from a twelve-hour shift at work, I got into bed and passed out. My mother soon woke me up, screaming that she could tell I was "fake sleeping" and ignoring her lecture on how I need to stop being so "lazy". FML
by ipayyourbillsgorramit / 08/24/2012 at 7:29pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by murphy22 / 08/24/2012 at 5:33am / United States (Oklahoma) / Animals
Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML
by TheBeautifulOne / 08/23/2012 at 9:42am / United Kingdom (South Ayrshire) / Miscellaneous
by XYZee / 08/22/2012 at 4:27pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was shopping at a store with my friend, I noticed a cute girl smiling at us. My friend said "She's all yours," and walked away. When I approached her, she asked me if my friend was single. FML
by ZAS / 08/22/2012 at 12:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/22/2012 at 2:01am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I discovered that when a cyclist tears down the street, slaps you across the face as he passes, looks back laughing and flips you off, then crashes into a lamppost, he'll still blame you and threaten to sue, even after you rush over to check his injuries. FML
by dumbasdogshit / 08/10/2012 at 8:45pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health
Today, I was running late for an important job interview because I couldn't find my keys. I place the keys on my kitchen counter every day to prevent exactly this type of situation. After few minutes and missing my interview, I finally found my keys, in my hand. FML
by Anonymous / 07/12/2012 at 12:04pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I visited my new doctor for the migraines I've been getting lately. Right from the start, I could have sworn the guy was on drugs. He just listened to my heartbeat, said, "Well Dave, it sounds like gallstones" and said they'll pass naturally. FML
by davav74 / 06/15/2012 at 7:31pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Health
- Today, a customer returned a toilet to the store but an associate didn't check it. Later a customer… Today, while changing my 10 week old baby's nappy and everything was going fine as usual. Just as I… Today, my very married friend has been trying to set me up with this guy. Turns out, she's having…