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Offline (the 11/26/2014 at 9:19pm) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 2 November 1982 (33 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2688
  • Number of comments : 389
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 16 posted

About awkward_gothlady : Creative. Eccentric. Shy. Fun. Cat person. Crazy.

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awkward_gothlady's favorite FMLs

Today, I left my dog alone while I went to work, like usual. He usually hangs out in the big bay window that faces the street. Today he decided to steal my vibrator and chew it while sitting in the window. I can only imagine how many people walked by and saw it. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33011) - you deserved it (6878)

On 11/09/2014 at 8:12pm - animals - by dogdays (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it was safe to say I started sleepwalking again, after I woke up with a mouth filled with soil and a ravaged plant. FML


I agree, your life sucks (39469) - you deserved it (3490)

On 12/17/2013 at 10:38am - health - by adventurousnightsbutnotinagoodway (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML


I agree, your life sucks (48449) - you deserved it (5132)

On 10/22/2013 at 5:12am - animals - by IamAflyingCat - United States

Today, I let a friend cut my hair. I soon went from having a 'fro to looking like I lost a fight with a lawn mower. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34052) - you deserved it (16813)

On 10/17/2013 at 12:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45669) - you deserved it (8299)

On 10/05/2013 at 4:23pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I woke up and saw that my alarm clock had fallen on the floor. It read 9:05 am. I panicked because I was late for work. As I frantically got ready, I went to pick my alarm clock up to place it back on my nightstand when I realized it was upside down. The actual time was 5:06. FML


I agree, your life sucks (41999) - you deserved it (7142)

On 09/13/2013 at 9:24am - misc - by NoorFML (woman) - United States

Today, I taught my kid how to mow the lawn. It's a self-propelling mower so it's easy to handle. My kid thought it would be smart to tie the handle down so that he wouldn't have to push it at all. This resulted in the lawn mower blasting through our fence and sinking into my neighbor's pool. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43819) - you deserved it (6749)

On 09/12/2013 at 1:18am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, while I was teaching my chickens to eat out of my hand, one of the hens bit my finger and I dropped the entire handful of treats. Result: bonanza for the bird. The rest decided they could get more treats by biting me rather than by behaving. I now have a flock of fingerbiters. FML

Today, I bought a cat. Somehow that cat is now stuck inside my antique piano. I have to break the piano to get her out. FML

Today, I found out someone has a crush on me. Normally I'd be fine with this, if it weren't for that fact that this guy informed me that he has collected pictures of me since the third grade. I'm turning 23 in two weeks. FML

Today, I was walking down the street when a man stole my purse. He then opened the purse, threw up in it, and gave it back. FML


I agree, your life sucks (47332) - you deserved it (3410)

On 08/24/2013 at 10:55am - misc - by cassidy_smith12 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had a group presentation. I kept zipping my jacket up and down nervously. As I waited for my turn, I realized a bunch of classmates staring at me. I forgot that in the morning rush, I only put on a jacket. I only had a bra on underneath. FML

Today, a guest of the private beach club I work at asked if I could do something about the water temperature in the ocean. I laughed, thinking it was a joke. She was serious and complained to my boss, saying I was absolutely no help. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45539) - you deserved it (2827)

On 08/14/2013 at 3:47pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML


I agree, your life sucks (46268) - you deserved it (25891)

On 07/27/2013 at 4:03am - love - by good_aim (man) - United States (California)

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML


I agree, your life sucks (58221) - you deserved it (6711)

On 07/20/2013 at 11:45am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Delaware)

C comme Line's illustrated FML

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FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #20
  • Here we are in November! Winter is here, for most of us, it's dark, grey and depressing and if you're the kind of person who watches network news 24/7, you're probably going to need some cheering up.…

Monday 30 November 2015

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