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Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30896) - you deserved it (5387)
On 12/21/2012 at 8:16pm - intimacy - by anonymaiacciu (woman) - France
Today, I was told I look like a Simpson. I don't have blond hair, or any of the features of them. So I asked which one. I was told Homer because we both could use Weight Watchers and an education. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12612) - you deserved it (2588)
On 11/09/2012 at 1:57am - misc - by Kyle - United States (Georgia)
Today, my husband surprised me by cooking a romantic dinner. I asked him why the sudden gesture. His response? "The cable was out." FML
I agree, your life sucks (12834) - you deserved it (2892)
On 11/08/2012 at 12:49am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, the bar owner I work for told us to pay better attention to our drunk patrons, and to start cutting them off. A fellow bar maid asked how we are supposed to tell when it's time. He pointed at me and said, "When they start hitting on her, they're too drunk to drive." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19786) - you deserved it (1193)
On 10/31/2012 at 7:30am - work - by kat (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my husband and I decided to tell our sixteen-year-old daughter that she's adopted. Her response was, "Thank God!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (19120) - you deserved it (4387)
On 10/19/2012 at 3:59am - kids - by best_mom_ever (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, an unknown number left me a lengthy voicemail of what sounds like two people having sex. This is the closest I've gotten to real-life sex in 2 years. I listened to it three times. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19911) - you deserved it (7501)
On 09/05/2012 at 12:44am - intimacy - by anonymous (man) - Australia
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I thought I'd be spontanous and spice things up, and gave her a spank across the butt. She started crying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19709) - you deserved it (10822)
On 08/31/2012 at 5:31pm - intimacy - by jon (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, the man who tried to mug me sent me a friend request on Facebook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22993) - you deserved it (1099)
On 08/22/2012 at 2:01am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25185) - you deserved it (6388)
On 08/22/2012 at 12:19am - intimacy - by ihateveganism (man) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, it finally clicked in my mind how desperately lonely I am, when I shaved one of my legs just to find out what a woman's leg feels like. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17407) - you deserved it (5635)
On 08/15/2012 at 12:46pm - love - by lonely. (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my husband and I were watching Lord of the Rings. My husband told me he sees the eye of Sauron every time he goes down on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16514) - you deserved it (2310)
On 07/26/2012 at 10:13pm - intimacy - by LOTRfail (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I went on a fifth date with a guy, and he asked me if we could be boyfriend and girlfriend. Just after I said yes, he pulled out a contract and asked me to sign on the dotted line. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21174) - you deserved it (2124)
On 07/25/2012 at 9:03am - love - by Unlucky (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)
Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20324) - you deserved it (9447)
On 07/25/2012 at 6:54am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my husband put some photos of our wedding on Facebook. He named the album "FML". FML
I agree, your life sucks (23992) - you deserved it (2274)
On 06/23/2012 at 1:17am - misc - by blah56 - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I decided to motivate myself to workout by looking at a picture of a guy with a six-pack on my computer screen while doing abs. My dad walked in after I finished and was still breathing heavily from working out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18032) - you deserved it (4807)
On 06/16/2012 at 1:45am - misc - by NotGay (man) - United States (Illinois)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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