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asttro_boy

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asttro_boy
  • Town/Country : Lisboa, Portugal
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Thursday 22 November 1979 (32 years)
  • Number of visits : 40550
  • Number of comments : 52
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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asttro_boy's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance. FML

#2514787 (231)

I agree, your life sucks (22284) - you deserved it (46275)

On 06/01/2009 at 9:53pm - health - by dearme (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, two of my girlfriends and I went to a bar. The only action any of us got was a 50 year old man who came up and handed us "An origami vagina for the pretty ladies." FML

#2463557 (132)

I agree, your life sucks (36863) - you deserved it (3532)

On 05/31/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by ailat0107 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice "oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML

#2308066 (257)

I agree, your life sucks (61072) - you deserved it (13543)

On 05/26/2009 at 12:53pm - intimacy - by alexis89 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, was my sister's and dad's birthday. I accidentally mixed up the gifts I got for them and my dad ended up with a vibrator. He wasn't very happy. FML

#2295349 (258)

I agree, your life sucks (11467) - you deserved it (44104)

On 05/25/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by silvercity09 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was at a fancy restaurant. I was drinking some water when I noticed a hot guy eating alone at another table waving at me. I smiled back, but had forgotten to swallow the water so it dribbled out of my mouth all over my shirt. FML

#2291155 (107)

I agree, your life sucks (12788) - you deserved it (29967)

On 05/25/2009 at 9:25pm - love - by Droolgirl (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was preparing a dinner for some business associates, in hopes of closing the deal on a promotion. I emailed them with the menu, in case there were any allergies. Hours later, I checked the email again to find that instead of serving the Roast Duck I would be serving the Roast Fuck. FML

#2282414 (185)

I agree, your life sucks (15705) - you deserved it (29931)

On 05/25/2009 at 5:42pm - misc - by wordmalfunction (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML

#2147353 (358)

I agree, your life sucks (68943) - you deserved it (32612)

On 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by a (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I was talking to this guy that I like a lot and I think he likes me back. When he told me I was beautiful I laughed so hard that I farted. Loudly. FML

#2147101 (218)

I agree, your life sucks (42158) - you deserved it (16201)

On 05/21/2009 at 3:13pm - love - by ECullen (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was surprised to learn that I could carry on intelligent conversations about basketball with my guy friends. Then I realized it was because my boyfriend insists on watching ESPN while we have sex. FML

#2133178 (100)

I agree, your life sucks (47478) - you deserved it (5933)

On 05/21/2009 at 12:04am - intimacy - by S (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting at my college campus, there were good looking girls all around me and I was trying to catch their eye and smile, letting them know I'm available. A butterfly flew by me and I screamed. FML

#2123826 (185)

I agree, your life sucks (13113) - you deserved it (42973)

On 05/20/2009 at 8:11pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my brother came out to our family as being gay. My mother starting crying because "She wanted grandchildren." I told her that I was planning on having children. She started crying harder. FML

#2095201 (165)

I agree, your life sucks (55237) - you deserved it (2525)

On 05/19/2009 at 9:21pm - kids - by bopbop (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, after the church service was over, my two year old granddaughter started to sing into the microphone. She said, "Here Nana, you sing". I picked up the microphone and sang " Jesus Loves Me". She took the microphone back and said, "No he doesn't." FML

#2076493 (265)

I agree, your life sucks (50348) - you deserved it (5966)

On 05/19/2009 at 10:04am - kids - by nana (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was feeling rebellious, I decided to procrastinate instead of studying for my really important English test tomorrow. I was having a pretty good time until I realized my idea of procrastinating was cleaning my TI-83 graphing calculator with rubbing alcohol and Q-tips. FML

#2069131 (194)

I agree, your life sucks (14257) - you deserved it (35366)

On 05/19/2009 at 12:08am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while I was waitressing, I bent down to pick up a menu and accidentally farted, really loud, at my table. FML

#2037920 (102)

I agree, your life sucks (40067) - you deserved it (7488)

On 05/18/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by oops (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my 6 year old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair who's leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?". He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then responds, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML

#2030761 (125)

I agree, your life sucks (71623) - you deserved it (13644)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:19pm - kids - by embarrassedmom (woman) - United States (Arizona)