astriofou

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astriofou

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1394
  • Number of comments : 167
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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astriofou's page activity

Visits<b>mhersh_59</b> - the 06/26/2016 at 8:22pm<b>DerSuldam</b> - the 05/19/2016 at 4:43pm<b>kayana153</b> - the 08/10/2015 at 2:16pm<b>rainbowsandshit1</b> - the 06/22/2015 at 2:09pm<b>jshakd642</b> - the 05/13/2015 at 9:57am<b>kaiboi702</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 12:52pm<b>Mukuro</b> - the 04/25/2015 at 7:20pm<b>me127</b> - the 01/05/2015 at 9:19pm<b>smallzz993</b> - the 01/26/2014 at 5:00pm<b>LeWatcher</b> - the 12/04/2013 at 10:58pm<b>vanessuhm</b> - the 10/23/2013 at 3:30am<b>iFollowYouLead</b> - the 09/02/2013 at 10:17am<b>lassal</b> - the 08/28/2013 at 12:16pm<b>mariepastyglue</b> - the 08/26/2013 at 4:04am<b>missalice0306</b> - the 05/20/2012 at 7:26am<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:08pm<b>CorinnaHEY</b> - the 07/07/2011 at 11:31pm<b>Riiley</b> - the 06/30/2011 at 3:05pm

Fucked!<b>kaiboi702</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 6:52pm

astriofou's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

astriofou's favorite FMLs

Today, I was home alone and I started to sing Halo by Beyonce. I was starting to get into it and began singing with more passion until the phone rang. It was my neighbor begging me to please shut the hell up. FML

by Ricky / 08/16/2009 at 9:00pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I hit a parked car and fled because I was so scared. Four hours later, the cops showed up at my house so I broke down crying confessing everything. Turns out, they weren't there about the car I hit. They were alerting me about the string of burglaries in my neighborhood recently. FML

by hitandrun / 08/10/2009 at 2:28pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, in an effort to seduce my husband, I laid in bed caressing myself. He walked in, looked at me, and said, "Is the ground beef in the freezer still good?" When I answered yes, he turned and walked out of the room. FML

by szinna / 06/07/2009 at 3:14pm / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy

Today, I was performing CPR on a woman on her floor while her internal defibrillator kept firing, making her whole body jump. When it fired, her hand went straight up into my nuts. FML

by EMT_Koulianos / 05/25/2009 at 11:14am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, is my long-anticipated 21st birthday! Today also happens to be the first day of my period. I've spent the whole morning in the fetal position with agonizing cramps, reduced to tears and whimpering while the painkiller refuses to kick in. Happy birthday! Love, my uterus. FML

by buymeadrank / 04/30/2009 at 11:11am / United States (Idaho) / Health

Today, I took the bus home. A bum sat next to me. Reeking with alcohol and sweat, he pulls out a pair of nail clippers and clips his grimy finger nails. With every clip, the nails would fly up and hit me. As I was about to ask him to stop, a nail flies into my mouth. I swallowed it. FML

by Anonymous / 04/14/2009 at 8:19pm / United States (Florida) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML

by gentileman / 03/16/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML

by DSM / 03/14/2009 at 7:05am / United States (North Dakota) / Love

Today, I was working at Target when an old woman asked me if I could help her find her favorite bra. I asked what brand it was when she replied "I'll check the tag". She lifted up the front of her shirt, and flipped one cup of her bra inside out. I saw everything. FML

by laurenmay / 03/06/2009 at 6:11pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarreah in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping form and he rolled over to whisper, "I heard everthing." FML

by ohmygoodness / 03/02/2009 at 4:51pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, my 19 year old girlfriend dumped me because she thinks I'm immature. I'm 30. FML

by Benji / 01/22/2009 at 7:06am / Love

Today, I met a woman that I've been emailing and trading pics with for over a month. We had a face to face, she was surprisingly overweight, and the sun hit her face in a way that radiated all her facial hair. FML

by agnosticstudy / 01/14/2009 at 11:03am / United States (Alabama) / Love

Today, a co-worker asked me if I had a comb he could borrow. I'm bald. FML

by poisonhand / 01/14/2009 at 10:32am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I came home from work. I crept up to the bedroom to gently wake up my girlfriend. I touch her shoulder and slowly leant in to give her a tender kiss. She suddenly wakes up and grabs me by the throat... I keep forgetting she's in the army. FML

by Cùchulainn / 01/09/2009 at 10:23pm / Love

Today, my boyfriend was lying down on top of me and he was looking at me with passionate eyes. I thought he was finally going to tell me he loved me. But instead he said "You have a bogey". FML

by Sybille / 12/06/2008 at 7:14am / Love