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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 10 January 1992 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2532
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About asti89 : My name is Astrid.
I live out the country.
And I'm obsessed with Turtles

asti89's page activity

Visits<b>derekmalc</b> - the 05/25/2013 at 2:22pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 11:04pm<b>ha</b> - the 01/02/2010 at 2:15pm<b>JustSoLost</b> - the 12/12/2009 at 2:25pm<b>Fentown</b> - the 11/20/2009 at 5:05pm<b>muffy_da_bear</b> - the 09/22/2009 at 8:09pm<b>Daaniellee1234</b> - the 08/27/2009 at 7:55pm<b>Drakon</b> - the 07/24/2009 at 7:36am<b>PinkWashed</b> - the 07/18/2009 at 4:29pm<b>Yulia</b> - the 07/10/2009 at 3:25am<b>exkayseedee</b> - the 07/07/2009 at 1:36am<b>justmy_luck</b> - the 07/06/2009 at 12:52pm<b>katelynmarie</b> - the 06/30/2009 at 1:10pm<b>SusanaSaysRawrxD</b> - the 06/30/2009 at 1:47am<b>roundnproud</b> - the 06/29/2009 at 2:55pm<b>HaleyRAWRa7x</b> - the 06/29/2009 at 1:10pm<b>What_fut_YADY</b> - the 06/29/2009 at 5:47am<b>Jaynayg</b> - the 06/27/2009 at 4:44am

asti89's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

asti89's favorite FMLs

Today, I was petsitting for my neighbor's new puppy. A huge thunderstorm came, and the puppy started whining and shivering violently. I pulled it into my lap to try and comfort it. One loud clap of thunder later, and the puppy had explosive diarrhea all over me. FML

by Puppysit88 / 04/16/2009 at 5:36pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

by FML.. / 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm / China (Hebei) / Intimacy

Today, while showering, my 3 year old son comes to the bathroom and puts on all my makeup. Once I got out of the shower, I got a camera I had and took a few adorable shots. Afterward, I sent the images to all my friends and family. Then I realized the reflection on the mirror was me fully naked. FML

by heytherexo / 04/04/2009 at 10:10pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 1:13am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I was shaving off my beard for the first time in a very long time. I decided to have a little fun with it, and shaved my beard first into a goatee, then a handle-bar, then, finally, into a Hitler mustache. My electric razor dies. I don't have a normal one or an extra battery. FML

by nomorebeard / 03/25/2009 at 10:13am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML

by Moanie / 03/15/2009 at 6:45pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I came home a day after my birthday, and was greeted by my mother who told me "oh I have birthday present for you." She explained that she and my father went on a hike, and handed me my present. I got a F*ing stick for my birthday. FML

by Jon / 03/14/2009 at 2:30am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML

by Noname / 03/12/2009 at 7:24am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Intimacy

Today, me and my boyfriend had some crazy rough sex. In the process I ended up with huge bruises and bite marks all over my neck and chest. I'm giving a speech on domestic violence today. FML

by Noname / 03/10/2009 at 2:52pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML

by serverdessert / 03/08/2009 at 5:02pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, I went to get my school picture taken, when the photographer looked at me, saying, "You look like you need a mirror." FML

by greattt / 02/10/2009 at 4:15pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, while kissing my girlfriend's neck, I sneezed a blob of snot onto her. She told me that "it doesn't matter", while hiccuping a bit of vomit. FML

by sneezer / 12/29/2008 at 11:54pm / Love

Today, my flatmate was listening to opera on full volume all afternoon and now he's playing James Bond on the trumpet. FML

by noname / 12/29/2008 at 1:09am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on a date with my new boyfriend. I acted very flirty and laughed very loudly to show him how funny he was. I laughed so loudly that I farted. FML

by elsaza / 11/18/2008 at 7:16am / Love