About ashlehparks : I like apple fritters, bacon, poutine, and anything on the hobbit menu at Denny's (excluding pumpkin pancakes).
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ashlehparks's favorite FMLs
Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML
by Fat_abott / 01/05/2012 at 3:40pm / France / Animals
by BKCK4187 / 12/19/2011 at 10:23pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML
by anne / 12/16/2011 at 10:46pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Christina / 12/05/2011 at 12:41am / Canada (British Columbia) / Money
Today, I finished a very important but annoying presentation that took four hours to complete. Only after writing a paragraph to explain the presentation and sending it to my boss did I realize that I saved the document as "Shit I have to do to get a promotion." FML
by TTR / 11/12/2011 at 7:36pm / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, I had to sit on the bus next to a creepy guy. He began pestering me with overly-sexual statements, and finally I told him I had a boyfriend. He responded with "Tell me his name so I can track him down, kill him, and hopefully take his place." FML
by pokeballbra / 10/17/2011 at 1:44am / United States (Texas) / Transportation
by thedeerman / 09/17/2011 at 12:39am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML
by IbetIgotAIDS / 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. I went to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet, waiting to throw up. When I finally did, I violently shit my pants at the same time. I was at my friend's house. FML
by sadddddd / 09/10/2011 at 9:54pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Health
by girlsx2mom / 08/31/2011 at 2:24am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was taking a dump behind a dumpster. I suddenly heard a noise and a vibration against the dumpster. It was a garbage truck lifting it to collect the trash. The garbage men started laughing and took out their phones. FML
by jshi8 / 08/04/2011 at 10:35am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a pool party with some friends. They grabbed and lifted me in the air, about to throw me in the pool. My iPhone was in my pocket, so I screamed "MY PHONE!" They paused so I could gently throw it onto a deck chair. It bounced, hit the concrete, and cracked its screen. FML
by howniceofyou / 08/01/2011 at 2:12pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/27/2011 at 9:55am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/18/2011 at 11:43am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, my friends were making fun of my clumsiness. I replied that I was not clumsy, and to prove it I was going to go the whole day without messing up. As I said this, I tripped over an extension cord and hit my head on a desk. FML
- Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to… Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He swore it wouldn't be 2 minutes long this time. He was right.… Today, my sister used my mobile phone to call her boyfriend who is married with children. His wife…