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aschorzman's favorite FMLs
by anonymous / 01/30/2013 at 5:13am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got married. I'm Jewish, and it's traditional to break a glass cup by stepping on it after giving the bride her ring. My brother thought it would be funny to replace the glass cup with a rubber one. I slipped and fell flat on my back. FML
by Anonymous / 01/25/2013 at 3:13pm / Canada (Quebec) / Love
by swollenpenis / 01/25/2013 at 1:11am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, I met with my Bolivian friend, who's vacationing here for a few weeks. Eager to show him how welcoming we are in the USA, I took him home and introduced him to my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Bolivia? That's in Europe, right? We saved your asses in World War 2." FML
by oh ffs / 01/24/2013 at 8:13pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML
by chase / 01/24/2013 at 7:54pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Intimacy
by ohokay / 01/23/2013 at 9:59pm / United States (New York) / Love
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- Today, as I snuck downstairs for a midnight movie, I witnessed my dad "polishing his wand" to Harry… Today, I put a sock on my dorm room door to get everyone to think I was getting laid. In truth, I'm… Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in his car. We were in the front seat and I was on top.…