aqua8992

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Offline (the 07/21/2016 at 1:59pm)

aqua8992

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2136
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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aqua8992's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

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Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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aqua8992's favorite FMLs

Today, I was giving a tour of my boat to a man who seemed interested in purchasing it. Everything was going great. That is, until, the motor stopped running in the middle of the ocean. FML

by anon / 08/29/2012 at 12:52am / United States (Maine) / Money

Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML

by StillBetterThanTwilight / 08/28/2012 at 11:56am / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, I got married. My booze-hound mother made a toast, and told a story about how she once walked in on us having sex. My husband's family is very religious, and we told them we weren't having sex until marriage. Thanks mom. FML

by gotta love my momma / 08/28/2012 at 1:08am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, there's a cricket in my apartment. I don't know if I'm more annoyed by the fact that it somehow got up three flights of stairs to get here, or that my cat is so excited about it that he's jumping on me and howling in my face to announce the cricket's presence instead of killing it. FML

by calivianya / 08/28/2012 at 12:49am / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my son, who seems to think that he is a "gangsta" despite being a white boy from the suburbs, cried because I accidentally burned his grilled cheese. He's 28. FML

by Anonymous / 08/28/2012 at 12:29am / Canada (Quebec) / Kids

Today, I'm apparently so desperate for companionship that my body has subconsciously synced my period with the girl who works in the cubicle adjacent to mine. FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2012 at 2:20pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, my boyfriend came over to see me after almost a month of us not spending time together. Unfortunately, he came straight from bar-hopping with his friends and was wasted. He's currently naked in bed, cooing at his penis, and giggling like a little girl. FML

by kvdfan / 08/27/2012 at 8:57am / United States / Love

Today, I attended my college roommate's wedding. We were best friends for 4 years, but have only talked occasionally since graduation. I was looking forward to meeting her new husband, having heard so much about him during our conversations. Turns out she forgot to mention he's my ex. FML

by Betrayed / 08/27/2012 at 2:11am / United States / Love

Today, I'm so broke that I got buyer's remorse after buying a $2 bottle of pancake syrup. FML

by Tanuki_paws / 08/26/2012 at 5:05pm / United States (Arizona) / Money

Today, I bought a pack of toothpicks. There were 500 of them. When I got home I accidentally dropped the pack. After twenty long minutes of picking them up, I dropped them again. FML

by S. / 08/26/2012 at 12:20pm / Estonia / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by picture, during a game of Draw Something. FML

by wtf / 08/26/2012 at 1:03am / New Zealand (Southland) / Love

Today, I fainted during my sister's wedding because my dress was too tight. When I woke up, she slapped me hard across the face. Why? Because I "took all the attention away" from her. FML

by brylynn / 08/25/2012 at 9:58pm / United States / Health

Today, I learned that just because the actual part of the pan that does touch the stove isn't hot doesn't mean that the handle won't give you third degree burns, a broken nose from passing out from the pain, and an expensive trip to the emergency room. FML

by Anonymous / 08/25/2012 at 9:15am / United States / Health

Today, I found out that my crush didn't remember calling me beautiful, telling me he liked me, or any of the other romantic things he said to me while drunk last night. He did however remember me promising to bake him cookies. FML

Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2012 at 5:10pm / United Kingdom (Walsall) / Health