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Today, I went to my daughter's room with clean laundry. I found her lying on her bed with a hand down her pants, totally zoned out and staring blankly at the Justin Bieber poster on her wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38117) - you deserved it (4755)
On 03/03/2013 at 12:03pm - misc - by parental failure (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17273) - you deserved it (32623)
On 03/03/2013 at 9:40am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50025) - you deserved it (4405)
On 03/01/2013 at 5:54pm - intimacy - by sn-511 (man) - Italy (Campania)
Today, my wife packed my lunch. Inside of my lunchbox was a photo of her eating my sandwiches. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30192) - you deserved it (6125)
On 03/01/2013 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my elderly neighbor had asked me to take her to her early morning doctor's appointment. I arrived at her house at 7:30 as agreed, and she appeared to have forgotten who I was. She started lobbing eggs out of her window at me, telling me she wasn't interested in what I was selling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25276) - you deserved it (1886)
On 02/28/2013 at 6:57am - misc - by she sure has an arm. - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my friends confronted me and told me that they no longer want to visit my house because my dog smells really disgusting. I didn't have the heart to tell them that the smell is actually my parents, who have been trying to "save water" by only showering once a fortnight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26240) - you deserved it (2325)
On 02/28/2013 at 5:56am - misc - by sickofthesmelltoo (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my 20-year-old daughter staggered into my room at two in the morning, drunker than I ever thought a person could be, screaming for me to make pancakes for her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28585) - you deserved it (6415)
On 02/27/2013 at 4:42pm - kids - by Ugh (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32628) - you deserved it (5379)
On 02/27/2013 at 8:49am - misc - by anony (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I realised the extent of my wife's cat obsession when I received an $850 bill for the air conditioner she leaves on for our 5 cats while we are at work. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19909) - you deserved it (2449)
On 02/27/2013 at 2:12am - animals - by thecatlady (man) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I realised the extent of my wife's cat obsession when I received an $850 bill for the air conditioner she leaves on for our 5 cats while we are at work. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19909) - you deserved it (2449)
On 02/27/2013 at 2:12am - animals - by thecatlady (man) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32036) - you deserved it (3183)
On 02/26/2013 at 10:00pm - intimacy - by Frostbitten (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I got talking to a pretty girl on the subway. Just as she was about to get off, I handed her my phone so that she could give me her number. She ran out with it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12531) - you deserved it (31998) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 02/26/2013 at 12:02am - love - by crétin-crédule - France (Limousin)
Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterward tried to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46535) - you deserved it (3137) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 02/25/2013 at 2:47pm - health - by laprochainefoisjerestealamaison (woman) - France (Languedoc-Roussillon)
Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17762) - you deserved it (29608)
On 02/23/2013 at 1:27pm - intimacy - by think i'm dating perdix (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)
Today, after supporting my girlfriend for over a year in her endeavour to lose weight, exercise more, and eat better, my now-slender girlfriend dumped me. Because now she can do "so much better". FML
I agree, your life sucks (38189) - you deserved it (2696)
On 02/23/2013 at 3:07am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Monday 20 May 2013
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