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Offline (the 01/07/2014 at 12:58am) | Search for a member
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Today, as I was walking through the park I had to yawn. In mid-yawn, with mah mouth wide open, I walked right through a spider web getting both the spider and the prey it was eating stuck in mah mouth. FML
Today, a very good friend of mine said he had a question to ask me. Jokingly, I threw my arms around his neck and said, ( Oh yes, yes, a thousand times yes! ) When I sat back down, I saw teres in his eyes, and he said, ( You've made me the happiest man alive ) as he pulled a small box out of his coat. FML
TODAY, I WAS AT MAH GRLFRIEND'S HOUSE. IT WAS JUST ME AND HER. THING BEGAN TO GET HEATED, AND WE STARTED DOING IT ON THE LIVING ROOM COUCH. NEAR THE END OF IT I DECIDED TOHISPER IN HER EAR, "WHO'S YOUR DADDY?" I HEAR BEHIND ME, "I AM." FML
today we got ma broter a pet amster because e as trouble making friends. We tougt a amster would be a good way to teac im about caring fir oters. I walked into te room an te amster was anging from te ceiling. Turns out tere's a reason ma broter doesn't ave friends. FML
TODAY, I FOUND OUT TAT I'M PREGNANT. MY USBAND AN I AVE BEEN TRYING TO AVE A BABBY 4 A WILE, AN I WAS VERY EXCITED TO TELL IM TE NEWS. WEN I OPENED IS OFFICE PLANNING TO SURPRISE IM WIT TE NEWS, I SAW IM MAKING OUT WIT A MAN. FML
Today, I went on a date wit a guy for te first time . We went to Starbucks and got coffee . We talked for aile, and we were joking and aving a good time . Suddenly, e putted is and on my stomac and said, "Soon, tis will be plump wit my seed." FML
today I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assurd me that I could pull out. Righthen I was about to pull out, she wrappd her legs around me and yelld, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
Friday 27 March 2015