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Today, I had to pretend to give birth in a play. I wanted to make it a realistic as possible but ended up crapping myself on stage by accident. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47207) - you deserved it (23950)
On 10/11/2009 at 11:42am - misc - by oxjessiiox (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)
Today, I was at a bar and very drunk. I went to the urinal and when I was done I went to zip up when I realized I never unzipped. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8117) - you deserved it (42308)
On 10/10/2009 at 4:45pm - misc - by loser - Sent from mobile version
Today, my boyfriend bought me a beautiful pair of very expensive diamond earrings, along with a card that read, "To my beautiful brown eyed Princess." My ears aren't pierced, and my eyes are green. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32980) - you deserved it (2640)
On 10/09/2009 at 12:22am - love - by rhythmbandit (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I found out that the student tutor my son advised me to hire was my son's girlfriend. I have been paying her $20 an hour for the last 3 weeks to make out with my son in his room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24388) - you deserved it (11623)
On 10/07/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my english teacher asked me why I didn't have my project completed. Thinking quick on my feet I told her it was because my grandmother had just passed away. Apparently they go to the same country club and have known each other for years. My teacher started crying and ran out of the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5922) - you deserved it (50413)
On 10/02/2009 at 5:07pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, while cleaning up, I dropped a box of thumbtacks, spilling them all over the floor. As I fumbled to pick them up, the power went out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38380) - you deserved it (2900)
On 10/01/2009 at 6:31pm - misc - by Ouchies (woman) - United States (Florida) - moderated by Kevin Nealon
Today, I open my front door and saw a covered basket with a card from my girlfriend on it. I picked it up and read, "Hope this cheers you up." I uncovered the basket to find a golden labrador puppy. Its eyes were closed and it wasn't breathing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56158) - you deserved it (1904)
On 09/29/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by rainedaddy (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I learned that the gap between the elevator and the 6th floor landing of my apartment building is approximately one key's width wide. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32488) - you deserved it (2317)
On 09/28/2009 at 11:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I learned to check inside the oven before you preheat it. Sometimes children hide their pet rabbit in there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58485) - you deserved it (8021)
On 09/28/2009 at 3:15am - misc - by ripfluffy (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him by handing me a ring and telling me, "Okay we're engaged now." I should have seen it coming when we started dating, I went to his house one night and as I was leaving he said, "Okay you're my girlfriend now." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32014) - you deserved it (11977)
On 09/22/2009 at 12:27am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I got my wisdom teeth pulled. Apparently the medicines don't work on me. I woke up in the middle of the surgery and felt EVERYTHING. One of the nurses asked if I was okay, and the doctor just kept saying "Don't worry she's just dreaming", while tears were pouring down my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43878) - you deserved it (1504)
On 09/17/2009 at 10:31am - health - by NoPainNoGain (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was running late for work. As I hurried out the door, I managed to trip over my own feet, fall off the front porch, and key my new car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25214) - you deserved it (5364)
On 09/17/2009 at 8:46am - misc - by Masey (woman) - United States
Today, I was called by my son's school. They said he'd been forging my signature and comments in his reading book. He didn't forge them. I don't know what's worse: my handwriting looking like a 6 year old's, or being too cowardly to admit it. He has a week of lunch detention, but I still have my dignity. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6478) - you deserved it (79387)
On 09/16/2009 at 1:05pm - kids - by Mac - Sent from mobile version
Today, I ignored my cat's incessant meowing, and pushed him away every time he wanted to be petted. The next time I walked downstairs I found him dead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21178) - you deserved it (76730)
On 09/12/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, I found out why my husband had wanted to wait until marriage to get it on. Last night was the first night of our honeymoon, and he informed me that he wasn't always Ben, but used to be Brenda. His 'penis' doesn't work and he had wanted to know I "truly loved him" before he had let me know. FML
I agree, your life sucks (137224) - you deserved it (10984)
On 09/09/2009 at 1:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Friday 24 May 2013
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