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Today, I was awoken at 1:30am by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27694) - you totally deserved it (1432)
On 01/09/2010 at 3:40am - misc - by Fran (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, I woke up at a strangers house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2370) - you totally deserved it (22171)
On 12/30/2009 at 2:08pm - misc - by jagerbombs (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was approached by a policeman who asked me if I was the owner of the green Camry. Turns out my parents decided to teach me a lesson for lying where I had been by reporting the car stolen. They also wouldn't answer my one phone call. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13677) - you totally deserved it (4114)
On 12/19/2009 at 10:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17738) - you totally deserved it (5683)
On 11/30/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by SoVeryMonday (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I wasn't feeling too well. I decided to bring my laptop with me to the bathroom, because I figured I would be in there for a while. Things were going great, until I felt a burp coming. Next thing I know, my computer is covered with puke. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5247) - you totally deserved it (19754)
On 11/15/2009 at 10:45am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was texting while making dinner. I went to pour the noodles into the boiling water and I dropped my phone in. Not thinking, I went to retreive it from the water. I now have a completely useless phone and a useless hand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5466) - you totally deserved it (18179)
On 11/11/2009 at 7:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I drove three and a half hours to surprise my long distance boyfriend for our anniversary. He was out of town. Where was he? Three and a half hours away trying to surprise me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28442) - you totally deserved it (4886)
On 11/04/2009 at 4:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, my boyfriend gave me a fancy chocolate candy and I got angry at him for forgetting that I'm allergic to chocolate and threw the candy into the garbage disposal. Turns out, he had spent a ton of money getting a chocolatier to put an engagement ring inside the candy that I just destroyed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6791) - you totally deserved it (42286)
On 10/20/2009 at 4:17pm - misc - by jaxattax (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I got pulled over for going 85mph in a 60mph zone on a highway in the Everglades. There were cars passing both the cop and me as I was being pulled over. The cop decided I was easiest to catch since I was the slowest of the bunch even though the other cars were topping 100mph. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22465) - you totally deserved it (8963)
On 10/19/2009 at 5:12pm - misc - by tracey (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I found out that if you let your son install a new shower head, he won't tighten it properly. So when you turn the shower on, it will shoot out at rocket speed, hitting you in the face. Then when you grab the shower handle to prevent yourself falling backwards, you will just rip that out and hit your head again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20059) - you totally deserved it (2542)
On 10/16/2009 at 10:38pm - misc - by Ndanick1193 (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I received a call from a collection agency. Since I had no clue, I was ready to file a police report for stolen identity. I then called my mom only to find out she has been opening new credit cards with my information for 3 years and not paying them. My credit is ruined and I'm only 21. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24694) - you totally deserved it (680)
On 10/12/2009 at 7:32pm - money - by thafinest (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I had to pretend to give birth in a play. I wanted to make it a realistic as possible but ended up crapping myself on stage by accident. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32463) - you totally deserved it (15308)
On 10/11/2009 at 11:42am - misc - by poop (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)
Today, I was at a bar and very drunk. I went to the urinal and when I was done I went to zip up when I realized I never unzipped. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6140) - you totally deserved it (34248)
On 10/10/2009 at 4:45pm - misc - by loser - Sent from a mobile version
Today, I found out that my new neighbor who moved in 2 weeks ago has been dead in his apartment for the past 5 days. I've been making jokes to the other people in building that he could die and no one would know about it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8990) - you totally deserved it (21960)
On 10/09/2009 at 12:41pm - misc - by smithj10 - United States (West Virginia)
Today, my boyfriend bought me a beautiful pair of very expensive diamond earrings, along with a card that read, "To my beautiful brown eyed Princess." My ears aren't pierced, and my eyes are green. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26478) - you totally deserved it (1877)
On 10/09/2009 at 12:22am - love - by rhythmbandit (woman) - United States (Florida)
