About anencephalic : If I ever write anything profoundly stupid, please be patient with me, after all, I haven't a brain.
anencephalic's FML badges
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
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100 kick ass comments
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anencephalic's favorite FMLs
Today, I angrily tweeted about having fruitlessly searched for over an hour for my car keys. Minutes later, some guy told me to check beneath the "stack of skid-marked underwear" on my bedroom floor. I'm not sure if it was a lucky guess, or if I should start carrying mace. FML
by skid kid / 03/09/2012 at 9:09pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 03/06/2012 at 11:03pm / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, my dad made me deliver a welcoming cake to our new neighbors. While I was making small-talk, I saw him climb over their backyard fence. A minute later, he climbed back over, with a plastic deck-chair in hand. I feel like an accessory to the pettiest theft in history. FML
by wtf dad / 03/02/2012 at 9:24pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by BadIdea / 03/01/2012 at 4:23pm / France / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/01/2012 at 11:37am / New Zealand / Miscellaneous
by unknown / 02/27/2012 at 12:42pm / United States / Love
by slickrick22 / 02/26/2012 at 9:43pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having sex with my husband. We thought the house was empty so we didn't mind being loud. Apparently, my grandma thought it would be fun to give us a surprise visit. All I found was a note on the counter from her and the spare key saying "Next time, I'll call." FML
by . / 02/26/2012 at 7:02pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my misanthropic malcontent of a son smashed my air freshener and turned my faulty lava lamp on in a twisted act of rebellion. The bottom of the lamp broke and got wax everywhere. My room now smells like cinnamon, with a hint of freshly embalmed corpse. FML
by Username / 02/13/2012 at 4:31pm / India / Kids
Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML
by lotrgeek / 02/13/2012 at 8:37am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/10/2012 at 4:07pm / Belgium (Brabant Wallon) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/02/2012 at 1:07pm / India / Intimacy
Today, as I was crossing the slush covered street to catch the bus, I slipped and fell right in the middle of the road. A woman in a car rolled down her window. She didn't ask if I was okay but just laughed and took a picture of me covered in cold, wet slush. FML
by hopeless cluts / 01/29/2012 at 2:36am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
Today, my boyfriend gave me twelve roses and told me that he would love me until the last one dies. Remembering the Facebook like, I began looking for the fake one but couldn't find it. When I pointed out that all twelve were real and would die within days, he responded, "Exactly." FML
by Shelly P. / 01/28/2012 at 7:10pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
by lol / 01/25/2012 at 10:54am / Canada (Alberta) / Health
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, it's been two years since I graduated with my master's. It's also been the same amount of…