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amathema's FML badges
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amathema's favorite FMLs
Today, I was texting my girlfriend about cross dressing and I said, "It would be hard for me to conceal my weapon." She instantly replied, "Not really, it's like finding a needle in a haystack, you'll be alright." FML
by DanteWest1000 / 04/03/2012 at 12:43am / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/22/2012 at 11:47am / United States / Animals
by Anonymous / 02/02/2012 at 1:07pm / India / Intimacy
Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML
by Anonymous / 02/01/2012 at 1:13am / Canada / Animals
Today, I drove into a cluster of dustbins thanks to my dozy cat who'd managed to get into my car, fall asleep, and wake up while I was driving to work. I lost control when I was startled by him staring at me in the rear-view mirror. FML
by Anonymous / 01/18/2012 at 6:30am / Australia / Transportation
by joeshmoe / 01/15/2012 at 7:52am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…
- Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time.… Today, my boyfriend got a new tattoo. It was a big tattoo of Pikachu on his hip. I told him now I'd… Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform…