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amathema's favorite FMLs
Today, while looking through the camera my boyfriend got me, I found a video of a girl giving him head. After screaming at him about it and breaking up with him, I realized the girl was a drunken me. FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2012 at 1:23am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by Bug / 10/15/2012 at 5:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, after weeks of coming home to find my furniture all tipped over, thinking the place was haunted, and accepting my boyfriend's offers to come over and "comfort" me, I came home from work early. I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, kicking over all the chairs. FML
by Anonymous / 10/14/2012 at 1:03pm / Estonia / Miscellaneous
by stop it ninja / 10/14/2012 at 3:00am / United States (Virginia) / Animals
Today, I was talking to my future mother-in-law about my upcoming wedding. She told me that I wasn't allowed to have the wedding at a church, nor wear a white dress, nor have roses for flowers, because that would mean I'd be "copying" her. FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2012 at 7:42pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Miscellaneous
by lalalalainie / 10/13/2012 at 2:45am / United States (California) / Health
Today, as I was rushing to get out for work, I opened my door just in time to witness a large snake slither into my home. I had no choice but to lock it inside and go to work. I've now spent several hours searching for it with my friends, and we can't find it. I'm scared to go to sleep. FML
by afraidtosleep / 10/13/2012 at 2:35am / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out on his deck out back. When leaving, I heard the sliding glass door open on the upper deck, I froze in the yard to not be seen. Too bad I didn't move. Apparently his dad pees off the deck at night. I had to walk home covered in pee. FML
by monkeyzz / 10/12/2012 at 7:11am / United States (California) / Health
Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML
by Dino / 10/12/2012 at 2:36am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I learned that scorpions can apparently hold their breath for hours, and that doing so makes them angry. I found this out when I removed a scorpion from the bottom of my pool and found that it was not entirely drowned. FML
by Anonymous / 10/11/2012 at 10:56pm / United States / Animals
by Wolf145 / 10/11/2012 at 1:28am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I was walking home when I saw an elderly woman struggling with a large bag of garbage. I asked if I could help. I got it all the way to the dumpster and the bag ripped. Inside were about fourteen dead cats. FML
by AdamwithanA / 10/10/2012 at 11:36pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals
by Anonymous / 10/10/2012 at 5:48pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy
by britchick95 / 10/10/2012 at 4:03pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I arrived at my new job only to find out, that I wasn't supposed to be there, and the only… Today, I was running late to work and noticed that my car keys weren't in the right spot. I quickly… Today, it has been a week since I moved into my new house. Turns out that the previous owner of the…