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amathema's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 11/19/2012 at 4:08pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML
by shit.... / 11/08/2012 at 1:25pm / Malaysia (Selangor) / Intimacy
Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML
by spiderwoman / 11/04/2012 at 12:12pm / Iceland (Gullbringusysla) / Animals
Today, my hubby and I decided to spice up our sex life and went to an adult toy store. We know too many people in our town, so we drove to one that was 30 mins away. We decided on our items, and went to the check out. Who would have guessed my next door neighbor works there as a cashier? FML
by screwed / 11/04/2012 at 4:55am / United States / Intimacy
by thebeachisthatway / 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by Nana / 10/22/2012 at 11:39am / Sweden (Vasterbottens Lan) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/21/2012 at 8:29pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I tried to do my leaf collection project for biology, which ended with me being hospitalized because of an allergy attack. I have no idea what I'm allergic to, but my doctor says I should just assume I'm "allergic to all leaves, ever." FML
by leaftheerickson / 10/21/2012 at 6:31am / United States (New York) / Health
Today, my girlfriend tried to wake me with a handjob. Because I'm a very light sleeper, I woke straight away and instinctively punched whoever was touching my dick. She forgave me, but I don't think her father ever will once he finds out. FML
by nahalDZ / 10/20/2012 at 1:29pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Love
by puppylove / 10/20/2012 at 3:16am / United States / Animals
Today, I discovered a way to send a massive number of text messages to someone simultaneously, so I decided to do it to my friend as a prank. I quickly noticed that I forgot to disable the delivery notification feature. FML
by Jugan / 10/19/2012 at 5:44pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Miscellaneous
by Taco Hell / 10/19/2012 at 2:43am / United States (Ohio) / Work
Today, I got married. I received a beautifully wrapped gift from my dad. I was full of excitement until I opened it and found two taxidermied rabbits. The ones I had when I was in the fifth grade. FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2012 at 10:48pm / United States / Money
Today, my neighbors left for their nine month excursion, and armed their security system. One of the features is a loud series of three beeps every three seconds, 24 hours a day. I can hear it, clear as a bell, throughout my entire house. FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2012 at 12:38pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2012 at 8:36am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…