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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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alysonweislerxo

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alysonweislerxo
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 151
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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alysonweislerxo's favorite FMLs

Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML

#1866535 (392)

I agree, your life sucks (62934) - you deserved it (7532)

On 05/12/2009 at 3:19am - health - by bathroomseww (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was watching an animal behavior movie. All of a sudden, it brings up two snails going at it. I got hard watching it. FML

#1751359 (273)

I agree, your life sucks (61380) - you deserved it (32560)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:51pm - intimacy - by stpdaziandude (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my 3 year old nephew was sitting on my knee at the computer. He was annoying me as he kept on pressing all the buttons. To scare him off I did a creepy voice in his ear that makes him cry. He turned round and broke my nose. FML

#1690267 (119)

I agree, your life sucks (10664) - you deserved it (57549)

On 05/06/2009 at 1:04pm - misc - by ElamentalAngel - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a couple of beetles doing it. Jealous, I quickly crushed them with my boot while screaming, "IF I CAN'T DO IT, NOBODY WILL!" All the little kids playing on the local playground, including parents supervising them, gave me dirty, confused looks. FML

#1683543 (544)

I agree, your life sucks (15376) - you deserved it (83285)

On 05/06/2009 at 2:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I sent everyone a text on my phone book saying, "Happy Star Wars Day!!! May the Fourth be with you!!" I forgot to uncheck my exgirlfriend's number. She texted back, "one of the many reasons I broke up with you." FML

#1628197 (379)

I agree, your life sucks (20159) - you deserved it (51530)

On 05/04/2009 at 3:04pm - misc - by 1suckatL1fe - United States (Virginia)

Today, in math class we were learning about gravity. To demonstrate my teacher asked me to stand on the desk and then step off. Upon stepping on the desk it curved inward and cracked. Everyone was dying of laughter. Fuck gravity. FML

#1547759 (187)

I agree, your life sucks (56408) - you deserved it (6650)

On 05/02/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by systeminitiated (man) - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML

#1485215 (493)

I agree, your life sucks (81572) - you deserved it (11216)

On 04/30/2009 at 8:15am - intimacy - by soooyeah (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I met my paternal grandfather for the first time. I’ve spent the last three months tracking him down. I poured my heart out and told about how much this meant to me. He told me I had a nice rack and asked for a cigarette. FML

#1475511 (142)

I agree, your life sucks (67263) - you deserved it (5552)

On 04/29/2009 at 10:11pm - love - by cgold (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I read a PostSecret that said "I'm afraid my thighs will start to touch soon." My thighs have always touched. I didn't even know thighs weren't supposed to touch. FML

#1444188 (439)

I agree, your life sucks (45885) - you deserved it (7756)

On 04/29/2009 at 12:13am - health - by fat_thighs (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a substitute teacher for my dance class. I noticed at one point, he took out a camera. The principle came in, everyone was going crazy, and the teacher was dragged out of the classroom. He was taking videos and pictures of us dancing. Turns out he was a registered sex offender. FML

#1163738 (179)

I agree, your life sucks (80166) - you deserved it (2919)

On 04/20/2009 at 7:05pm - intimacy - by seriously (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I asked my girl friend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said was that good. She was serious. FML

#909616 (350)

I agree, your life sucks (57263) - you deserved it (14847)

On 04/11/2009 at 12:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, when I came home, my daughter's baby-sitter was busy smelling my thongs. FML

#687 (52)

I agree, your life sucks (17377) - you deserved it (1101)

On 01/02/2009 at 10:26pm - misc - by noname - Sent from mobile version