alvarny

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alvarny

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4091
  • Number of comments : 87
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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alvarny's page activity

Visits<b>Googolman</b> - the 09/24/2016 at 7:33pm<b>davisjenny81</b> - the 02/16/2016 at 10:51am<b>liv1222</b> - the 02/10/2016 at 5:01pm<b>rainbowlack</b> - the 12/16/2015 at 2:13pm<b>MasteredBastard</b> - the 11/12/2015 at 1:58am<b>Nicsb</b> - the 11/11/2015 at 7:24pm<b>lavapants</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 4:53am<b>mmllol21</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 1:30am<b>pinkster2014</b> - the 11/04/2015 at 1:16pm<b>EleanorHu</b> - the 11/03/2015 at 12:46pm<b>avatar0810</b> - the 11/03/2015 at 12:44am<b>AZ_Hockey_Dude</b> - the 11/03/2015 at 12:00am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 11/02/2015 at 7:47pm<b>Salvanoi</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 1:39am<b>brendapeck</b> - the 08/08/2015 at 9:32pm<b>_minifty</b> - the 08/03/2015 at 12:33pm<b>YodaMyNameIs</b> - the 08/02/2015 at 3:17pm<b>LadyLuck93</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 3:24pm

Fucked!<b>AZ_Hockey_Dude</b> - the 11/03/2015 at 6:00am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 8:26pm

alvarny's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of alvarny's badges

alvarny's favorite FMLs

Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML

by Anonymous / 02/01/2012 at 1:13am / Canada / Animals

Today, our school chorus went to a senior citizens' home. An elderly lady died during my solo. FML

by sorrygrandma / 01/31/2012 at 10:34pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a quicky with my boyfriend, because his dad was about to pick him up. Afterwards, I texted: "Nice to meet your dad, hope we didn't look too heated." A few minutes later, he replied: "Great timing, he was holding my phone." FML

by B / 01/31/2012 at 3:36pm / Netherlands / Intimacy

Today, I went to the hospital emergency room to visit my boyfriend who had badly sliced his leg open. It ended with me being admitted with a possible head trauma, after hitting my head on the wall and floor as I collapsed at the sight of his wound. FML

by Arielle / 01/31/2012 at 6:07am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

by ugh / 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I found out that Google+ has been automatically uploading my cell phone pictures as I take them. My friends have now seen pictures of me, my penis, and other things too horrifying to talk about. FML

by brannie / 01/29/2012 at 7:26pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I changed my relationship status on Facebook from "in a relationship" to "single." I forgot to take my phone to work, and when I got back, I saw someone had replied, "What happened?" Someone else commented, "He broke his hand." My ex and a bunch of other "friends" liked it. FML

by Anonymous / 01/28/2012 at 4:52pm / United States / Love

Today, my family had dinner with my future in-laws for the first time. After a bottle of wine to herself, my mother loudly insisted that I'm out of her will. Apparently, I "molest towels" and leave them to "fester for days" in my "den of depravity". I'm sure they'll give me their daughter now. FML

by The Towel Molester / 01/26/2012 at 9:49am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I realized the universal beauty that can be found in a pancake. I'm not sure if I have reached spiritual enlightenment, or if I should have my head examined. FML

by Dutchee / 01/23/2012 at 6:27am / Netherlands (Friesland) / Health

Today, I found out that the daily "vitamins" that my dad has been giving me for the last three months were actually weight loss pills. FML

by suckstobefat / 01/22/2012 at 1:10am / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, my girlfriend and I were hugging in the hall after school. This annoying kid I know walked by, and yelled, "Tiny penis!" at me. My girlfriend responded, "Yep." FML

by Anonymous / 01/21/2012 at 5:38pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, while I was peacefully sleeping, I felt a hand suddenly slap my forehead. Then fingers began to press against my mouth, then nose, then eyes. I finally woke up to my girlfriend laughing hysterically. She'd confused me with her clock-radio. FML

by Vitriol / 01/15/2012 at 1:14pm / France / Love

Today, I started a new medication, not paying much notice to the one side effect: "unusual vaginal secretions". They're unusual alright, they glued my underwear to my skin. FML

by involuntary waxing / 01/15/2012 at 4:00am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, in preparation for proposing to my girlfriend, I borrowed one of her rings, so I could discreetly get her ring size. Not only have I now lost the ring, which turns out to be a keepsake of her dead grandmother, I still don't know her ring size. FML

by machismo / 01/13/2012 at 1:16pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML

by Danny / 01/07/2012 at 5:27am / Australia / Intimacy