Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (the 10/03/2015 at 9:23pm) | Search for a member
About alullaby : I love listening to music (Metallica, AC/DC, Guns N' Roses etc) and going to concerts. So far I've seen Aerosmith, Slash, Firehouse, Megadeth, Iron Maiden, Lamb of God, Judas Priest, Motley Crue, and Alice Cooper (can't believe I forgot to put this in the list). I love animals. That's about it.
Well, I'm from Singapore and we are well-known for our unique language known as Singlish and multi-racial culture. If you wanna know more about anything about our culture, feel free to drop me a message and I'll try and answer anything I can.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Today, I was supporting my aunt as she gave birth. She was getting tired during the pushing stage, so I tried to encourage her by making a show of pushing as well with each contraction. I got a little too into it and accidentally gave birth to a little turd of my own. FML
Today, I slept on the plane ride home and had a scary nightmare. I started screaming in my dream, so loud that it shocked the old lady sitting next to me into screaming as well. The whole plane began laughing as we were both screaming. FML
Today, the day before my wife and I leave for our 1 year anniversary trip, I realized my passport expires in 2014, not 2015. Instead of a week's stay at an all-inclusive resort in the Dominican Republic, we'll be spending three days in Louisville. Three angry days in Louisville. FML
Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML
Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML
Today, I was at the mall with a couple of friends when we saw a couple of cute boys. I made eye contact with the cutest one. Flustered, I giggled, only to send a wad of snot flying out of my nose. FML
Today, while studying in the middle of the night, my dad came home drunk. I helped him to the sofa and after clearing up his mess, he started going on about how useless my sister Vanessa was, and how good a daughter I am. I am Vanessa. FML
Friday 2 October 2015