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Today a customer came in to the Pizza store where I work and complained that the food they had purchased had a strand of black hair in it. After some deliberation, my boss decided to fire me. He is the only staff member there with black hair, I shaved my hair 2 weeks ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59682) - you totally deserved it (1442)
On 04/14/2009 at 7:18am - work - by hcfan (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I was working as a swim instructor for kids. Teaching them not to be afraid of the water, I put my face in the water and blew bubbles. I asked them to try it. All of them did, except for one. I went right to him and blew bubbles again. He then said to me, "but I just peed in that water." FML
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On 04/14/2009 at 4:51am - kids - by poolboy (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice, I gently tried to wake her up before my stop came. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML
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On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I drove 9 hours and took Monday off of work to surprise my Mom and Dad for Easter. They weren't home so I called to tell them the surprise, rather than wait. They didn't answer as they were on a flight to Denver to surprise me for Easter since "I couldn't get off work." FML
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On 04/13/2009 at 6:45am - misc - by traveller (man) - United States (New Mexico)
Today, I went to a football sleepover with all of my teammates. I felt something near the bottom of my sleeping bag, and I pulled it up with my foot. My entire team watched me pull out a red thong. My parents had been on a camping trip the week before. FML
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On 04/13/2009 at 2:11am - misc - by TrueStories (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I found my dog, who had been missing for over a month, at the local pound. Clearly it was my dog, she responded to her name and cried when she saw me. However, the woman there told me I could not simply take her, I had to follow through with all policies. I paid $250 to adopt my own dog. FML
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On 04/12/2009 at 1:55pm - misc - by anbrown6 - United States (North Carolina)
Today, for Easter my brother & sister both got $200 gifts from my parents. I got a chocolate egg. I'm allergic to chocolate. FML
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On 04/12/2009 at 9:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I walked out to my car to see four kids taking the hubcaps, radio, and license plates off of my truck. I chased them six blocks until I tripped and twisted my ankle. I limped back to my car and found a ticket on my windshield for $55 dollars. The reason? Missing license plates. FML
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On 04/12/2009 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend, and best friend, had baked a cake, and wouldnt tell anyone who it was for. When I asked he said I'd know soon. He met me after class to break up with me and offered me the cake to make me feel better. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49333) - you totally deserved it (1581)
On 04/11/2009 at 2:38pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was riding on a stationary exercise bike at home, when I went to get off, my shorts got stuck under the seat. I dangled half upside down until my shorts ripped and I fell on the ground face first breaking my front tooth. I broke my tooth riding a bike that doesn’t even move. FML
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On 04/10/2009 at 4:17am - misc - by missy (woman) - Italy (Toscana)
Today, I went to a professional baseball game. In the 5th inning, our row was chosen for a random giveaway where everyone sitting in the row recieved free roundtrip airline tickets to New York City. While this was going on, I was up, getting a pretzel. FML
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On 04/09/2009 at 10:15pm - misc - by ZachooMackoo (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I told my ex boyfriend I lost 20 lbs because of the stress of the break up. His response was "you're welcome." FML
I agree, your life sucks (38052) - you totally deserved it (16426)
On 04/09/2009 at 6:11pm - misc - by blutownie13 - United States
Today, I checked my facebook, and my wife of 5 years was listed as single. I then write on her wall that it is ok to announce to be married. She writes back saying that we have to talk and to come to the kitchen. My wife divorced me over facebook. FML
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On 03/30/2009 at 5:34pm - love - by nothappywithlife (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my over-protective mom decided to do a blacklight test on my room to make sure I wasn't doing the naughty in my bed. The bed was clean. My face wasn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31621) - you totally deserved it (70552)
On 03/28/2009 at 4:11am - intimacy - by crzyl8buddhist (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my mom found a box full of stuff she had been looking for. She starts going through it and finds baby pictures of my sister and I as well as pictures of the cats. She puts my baby pictures back in the box and closes the lid. The cat pictures are now hanging in her living room. FML
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On 03/28/2009 at 1:38am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
