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Today, a friend jokingly asked who in my relationship wears the pants. My girlfriend replied, "I'm not sure, but I've got photos to prove I don't wear the skirt." FML
I agree, your life sucks (4885) - you totally deserved it (17997)
On 08/23/2009 at 2:54am - love - by Crossy (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The cop was hot so I flirted with him as much as I could. But when he came back to the car he still gave me a ticket. Feeling desperate I said, "I thought you didn't give tickets to pretty girls", his response, "We don't". FML
I agree, your life sucks (9568) - you totally deserved it (47269)
On 07/31/2009 at 9:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)
Today, a friend offered to have sex with me, since I'm a 19 year old virgin who's only been kissed. He then added on that I would have to give him my Wii in return. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31818) - you totally deserved it (3923) - moderated and selected by the Jackass crew
On 07/30/2009 at 11:52am - intimacy - by VelocityMary (woman) - United States
Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (36740) - you totally deserved it (1526) - moderated and selected by the Jackass crew
On 07/30/2009 at 7:34am - kids - by Herdad (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was trying to wiggle my boxer shorts off to get it on with my girlfriend when my knee hooked on the elastic band. I was anxious to get started, so I used force and ended up kneeing my girlfriend in the crotch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8125) - you totally deserved it (28670) - moderated and selected by the Jackass crew
On 07/30/2009 at 1:46am - intimacy - by solomantis (man) - Norway (Oslo)
Today, my mom asked me if I was crying because my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. That wasn't why I was crying. My mom knows things before I do. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34959) - you totally deserved it (1356)
On 07/29/2009 at 11:20pm - love - by screwed (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my boyfriend told me he was going out tonight to celebrate his ex-but-still-friends-girlfriend's birthday at a local club and hopes I wasn't offended that I wasn't invited. I sure am offended; we have the same birthday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51604) - you totally deserved it (1608)
On 07/29/2009 at 3:32pm - love - by imscrewed (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, a friend asked me if I could help him set up the stage for his wedding. Feeling honored that he considered me a close enough friend to aid him on his special day, I agreed to help. Turns out we aren't so close. I was asked to leave after I was done because I hadn't actually been invited. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36328) - you totally deserved it (1114)
On 07/28/2009 at 2:34am - misc - by partypooper (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend told me that we would be living out one of his fantasies. When I showed up, ready to go, he began playing the theme song to Star Trek and asked me to call him Mr. Spock. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31940) - you totally deserved it (4790)
On 07/28/2009 at 12:15am - intimacy - by saynotochrispine (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my best friend told me she was pregnant over the phone. While in the middle of telling her congrats, she told me it was with my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45644) - you totally deserved it (1458)
On 07/27/2009 at 7:10pm - misc - by thatonekid (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, my brother decided it would be funny to squirt disappearing ink on my wedding dress right before I walked down the isle. It didn't disappear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46521) - you totally deserved it (1403)
On 07/27/2009 at 2:22pm - misc - by randomnamehere (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later my mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me why the TV was so loud and, seeing the horror on my face, kept asking what was wrong with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37367) - you totally deserved it (1741)
On 07/27/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by scarred (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I had to tell my 10 year old son that me and his father are getting a divorce. His reply? "Yes! I call living with dad!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (37654) - you totally deserved it (7626)
On 07/26/2009 at 11:13pm - kids - by reckless182 (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, while driving home with my parents. I pretended to be asleep so mum wouldn't talk to me. They then took this time to describe what they were going to do to each other when they got home. In full detail. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31008) - you totally deserved it (10949)
On 07/26/2009 at 9:12pm - love - by Joel_mama (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)
Today, my dad somehow found some pictures of my boyfriend having sex with some girl and went on a rampage about how pissed he was that he was cheating on me. I had to explain to my parents that I was the girl in the pictures. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31427) - you totally deserved it (10638)
On 07/26/2009 at 8:53pm - intimacy - by omgwtfsam (woman) - United States (Michigan)
