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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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allisonohgod

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allisonohgod
  • Town/Country : Michigan
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 23 April 1992 (20 years)
  • Number of visits : 311
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About allisonohgod : I'm nice, I'm funny.

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allisonohgod's favorite FMLs

Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML

#18134142 (161)

I agree, your life sucks (23179) - you deserved it (10117)

On 11/01/2011 at 10:36pm - intimacy - by HOe HOe HOe (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML

#18083202 (219)

I agree, your life sucks (31653) - you deserved it (3731)

On 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to viciously rip off my thong. My ass crack is numb. FML

#18071770 (175)

I agree, your life sucks (21325) - you deserved it (4803)

On 10/25/2011 at 12:08pm - intimacy - by beccav23 - United States (Texas)

Today, my eleven year old sister came in, and bitched to me and my boyfriend about how she was going to tell my mom about the used condom she found. My boyfriend punched her in the face. FML

#18022495 (206)

I agree, your life sucks (40686) - you deserved it (11119)

On 10/19/2011 at 10:37am - intimacy - by lolilovemyboyfriend (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is extremely jealous of a stuffed toy that sits on my bed, all because it gets to 'sleep in the same bed as me and he doesn't.' Now, whenever he comes over, he throws it at the wall, death glares at it, then gets up and kicks it under my bed. FML

#16774144 (387)

I agree, your life sucks (29909) - you deserved it (8901)

On 06/21/2011 at 12:46am - love - by holdengurl18 - China

Today, my boyfriend had a bad dream that a horse was biting his fingers off. He punched the horse in the neck, and in real life punched me in the spine. Twice. FML

#15410065 (109)

I agree, your life sucks (25331) - you deserved it (2720)

On 03/21/2011 at 1:02am - love - by lily389 -

Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML

#15405912 (610)

I agree, your life sucks (27077) - you deserved it (35568)

On 03/20/2011 at 9:25pm - kids - by failureparent (man) - United States (California)

Today, I have a cat with separation anxiety. By this, I mean whenever I go in another room and shut the door with her outside, she uses her head as a battering ram to try and break down the door. It's fun trying to sleep too. FML

#15366508 (214)

I agree, your life sucks (22330) - you deserved it (4380)

On 03/18/2011 at 11:54am - animals - by nosleeptilpissoff (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML

#12915850 (161)

I agree, your life sucks (22269) - you deserved it (3319)

On 09/05/2010 at 10:20am - intimacy - by urgg (woman) - United States

 Today, I came home from a long day at work, and heard voices coming from my living room. I thought my house was being robbed so I called 911. Turns out I left the T.V. on. FML

#12620579 (74)

I agree, your life sucks (4886) - you deserved it (22969)

On 08/19/2010 at 4:22am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He also decided the best way to end our relationship was to kill me and our virtual child on The Sims 3 by setting us on fire. FML

#12617958 (208)

I agree, your life sucks (28992) - you deserved it (4683)

On 08/19/2010 at 1:26am - love - by Single - United States (California)

Today, I woke up feeling a tingling sensation on my testicles. I enjoyed it for a few seconds, then threw off the covers. Looks like there have been cockroaches in my bed. FML

#3852842 (132)

I agree, your life sucks (44237) - you deserved it (7100)

On 07/18/2009 at 6:48am - misc - by fartypeepee (man) - Australia (Queensland)



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