About alival : Hey! I'm alison but you can call me Ali! I looove motionless in white, falling in reverse, blessthefall, and all time low! I am a proud child of the night/creature whichever floats your boat! I love talking to new people so if you wanna know more about me send me a message!
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alival's favorite FMLs
Today, I overheard my husband talking to our 6 year-old about animals for a project. I listened, thinking it was cute, until my husband said gleefully, "Remember to say this in your project: octopuses have 8 testicles." FML
by daddoesn'tknowbest / 10/13/2011 at 8:24am / United States / Kids
Today, my mom yelled at me because I refused to lend her money. The reason I won't lend her money? The last time I did, she and my dad went out and bought a Macbook and a new car instead of paying bills. Apparently I'm being 'selfish' by keeping my own money and putting it towards university. FML
by Anon / 10/10/2011 at 11:24am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went out to lunch with a couple of work buddies. Trying to be suave, I started hitting on our waitress. Not two seconds after saying, "Hey baby," I felt ice water on my balls. The guy next to me had spilled both our water glasses. FML
by Slayer / 10/09/2011 at 7:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML
by rufusthepenis / 10/02/2011 at 6:57pm / United Kingdom (Lincolnshire) / Intimacy
by Scarlett / 04/26/2011 at 1:28pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/21/2010 at 11:18am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
Today, at work, I accidentally walked into a meeting at which the whole company was there but me. The meeting was about how they could legally fire me while paying as little severance as possible. I'm the CEO and the founder of the company. FML
by everythingWASperfect / 11/13/2010 at 9:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I nervously introduced my mother to my new boyfriend. I had to sit and watch her flirt with him for an hour. When I took her in the other room and confronted her about it, she said, "Don't you dare ruin this for me!" FML
by Anonymous / 09/28/2010 at 10:09pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/23/2010 at 8:24pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous
by angry / 06/22/2010 at 3:47am / Australia (Queensland) / Love
by WhatWentWrong / 11/11/2009 at 7:49pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I had a soccer game. A player from the other team hit me in the face. In the next half, she was the goalie and I was determined to score on her. When I finally got my chance to, everyone cheered, until I kicked the ball into the goal post and it bounced back and hit me in the face. FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2009 at 2:58pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, as a camp counselor, I was discussing how stupid the idea of santa is to a co-worker, and how every parent should tell the truth to their kids. The intercom microphone was on. I single handily told a group of 100 six year olds that santa was not real. FML
by Anonymous / 07/16/2009 at 8:14pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I went commando because its 98 degrees and sweaty boxers are a pain. While walking to class at UT I heard a girl laugh behind me, I turned and flashed a quick smile and kept walking. It turns out I had sweat through my khakis and she totally could see my crack. Texas weather sucks. FML
by Longhorn2011 / 06/17/2009 at 1:44pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw this tourist almost get hit by a cab. After he walked away I complained to my boyfriend about how idiotic people like him just deserve to die. After 5 blocks of my ranting the tourist turns around and says "I'm right in front of you bitch." I hid behind my laughing boyfriend. FML
by Ash / 05/26/2009 at 11:08pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…