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alival

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alival
  • Town/Country : Chicago, U.S.
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 16 October 1997 (16 years)
  • Number of visits : 1899
  • Number of comments : 215
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About alival : Hey! I'm alison but you can call me Ali! I looove motionless in white, falling in reverse, blessthefall, and all time low! I am a proud child of the night/creature whichever floats your boat! I love talking to new people so if you wanna know more about me send me a message!

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alival's favorite FMLs

Today, I overheard my husband talking to our 6 year-old about animals for a project. I listened, thinking it was cute, until my husband said gleefully, "Remember to say this in your project: octopuses have 8 testicles." FML

#17973930
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25467) - you deserved it (3027)

On 10/13/2011 at 8:24am - kids - by daddoesn'tknowbest - United States

Today, my mom yelled at me because I refused to lend her money. The reason I won't lend her money? The last time I did, she and my dad went out and bought a Macbook and a new car instead of paying bills. Apparently I'm being 'selfish' by keeping my own money and putting it towards university. FML

#17951348
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33293) - you deserved it (2031)

On 10/10/2011 at 11:24am - misc - by Anon (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went out to lunch with a couple of work buddies. Trying to be suave, I started hitting on our waitress. Not two seconds after saying, "Hey baby," I felt ice water on my balls. The guy next to me had spilled both our water glasses. FML

#17945907
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7204) - you deserved it (25611)

On 10/09/2011 at 7:28pm - love - by Slayer - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML

#17889582
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28408) - you deserved it (3695)

On 10/02/2011 at 6:57pm - intimacy - by rufusthepenis - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, my husband got out of the shower, came downstairs naked screaming ''EMBRACE THE HARDNESS!!'' Little did he know, my step mother was sitting right there at the kitchen table. FML

#15934305
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42380) - you deserved it (5389)

On 04/26/2011 at 1:28pm - intimacy - by Scarlett - United States (Washington)

Today, my 14 year-old son sent a broadcast on my blackberry saying ''I'm a young gay man looking for some fun!'' to all my contacts as a joke. What he didn't know was that it's my work phone. FML

#14284329
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32191) - you deserved it (4711)

On 12/21/2010 at 11:18am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, at work, I accidentally walked into a meeting at which the whole company was there but me. The meeting was about how they could legally fire me while paying as little severance as possible. I'm the CEO and the founder of the company. FML

#13825716
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39114) - you deserved it (3622)

On 11/13/2010 at 9:43am - work - by everythingWASperfect - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I nervously introduced my mother to my new boyfriend. I had to sit and watch her flirt with him for an hour. When I took her in the other room and confronted her about it, she said, "Don't you dare ruin this for me!" FML

#13241865
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33820) - you deserved it (2142)

On 09/28/2010 at 10:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Maine)

Today, I was surfing the web for Halloween costumes, and found one labeled "Extreme Girl Nerd". With the wig, the glasses, and the buck-teeth, it looked exactly like me. FML

#13174458
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25081) - you deserved it (5866)

On 09/23/2010 at 8:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I went camping with my husband. We drove 11 hours to his favourite site before he remembered he didn't put the tent in the car. FML

#11374719
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28844) - you deserved it (5146)

On 06/22/2010 at 3:47am - misc - by angry - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was at work using a wood finishing product that we apply by hand. After 2 straight days of using it I finally read the label. It said "This product contains a chemical known to the state of California to cause cancer". Good thing nobody told me. FML

#8794429
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17588) - you deserved it (9631)

On 03/03/2010 at 5:49am - work - by painter - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, everyone was telling me a girl I like wanted me to ask her on a date. I approached her, and asked if it was true. She said yes, but only because she wanted to reject me in person. FML

Today, I had a soccer game. A player from the other team hit me in the face. In the next half, she was the goalie and I was determined to score on her. When I finally got my chance to, everyone cheered, until I kicked the ball into the goal post and it bounced back and hit me in the face. FML

#5208232
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36759) - you deserved it (7888)

On 09/12/2009 at 2:58pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, at work, as a camp counselor, I was discussing how stupid the idea of santa is to a co-worker, and how every parent should tell the truth to their kids. The intercom microphone was on. I single handily told a group of 100 six year olds that santa was not real. FML

#3812177
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13263) - you deserved it (63145)

On 07/16/2009 at 8:14pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went commando because its 98 degrees and sweaty boxers are a pain. While walking to class at UT I heard a girl laugh behind me, I turned and flashed a quick smile and kept walking. It turns out I had sweat through my khakis and she totally could see my crack. Texas weather sucks. FML

#2968548
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14164) - you deserved it (33759)

On 06/17/2009 at 1:44pm - misc - by Longhorn2011 (man) - United States (Texas)



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