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About alibear7 : I'm cool shit.
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alibear7's favorite FMLs
Today, my son threw the biggest fit in history about going to the dentist. He broke a whole stack of plates, overflowed the bathtub, let the dog loose, and kicked his father when he tried to calm him down. My son is 17. FML
by Anonymous / 02/06/2013 at 6:12am / United States / Kids
by Experience / 02/05/2013 at 3:19pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML
by Lockedinroom / 02/05/2013 at 11:18am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I called security at my school because I left my mittens in a classroom and it was locked. When the security officer showed up, he asked if the mittens I was looking for were the ones on my hands. I even had to take one of them off to call them. FML
by swarm20 / 02/05/2013 at 12:24am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/04/2013 at 12:17pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
Today, after heavy rain my street flooded. While in my living room, I looked outside to see that my elderly neighbour was outside splashing in a knee deep puddle. He was butt-naked and wearing a snorkel and flippers. FML
by Stunned / 02/04/2013 at 4:15am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom accused me of stealing money from her purse. Being totally innocent, I reminded her that the only other person with access to it is her boyfriend. She said she trusts him because she loves him. They've been dating for 2 months. I've been her daughter for 25 years. FML
by :/ / 02/03/2013 at 7:26pm / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Money
Today, at my retail job, a woman came to my till with her purchases. After I scanned all her items, she handed me two small bags. One was filled with nickels and dimes. The other was filled with cents. Her total was $28.53. The coins amounted to $22.30. FML
by fuckedbyretail / 02/02/2013 at 9:53am / United States (North Carolina) / Work
Today, while trucking, I got stuck in traffic on a congested highway. After 15 minutes of mind-numbing boredom, I glanced down at the car beside me, only to witness the driver changing her tampon and flicking the old one onto the highway. I can't unsee this. FML
by thoughtidseenitall / 02/01/2013 at 8:01pm / United States (Colorado) / Transportation
Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML
by Denki / 01/30/2013 at 7:21am / China (Beijing) / Love
Today, I was hanging out with my new boyfriend, and he took me back to his house for the first time. Taped to his bedroom door was a sheet of paper emblazoned with the words: "THE RAPE DUNGEON". I feel safer already. FML
by vagina dentata for christmas, pls / 01/25/2013 at 1:51pm / United States / Love
by AnonCat / 01/20/2013 at 8:47pm / Canada (Alberta) / Animals
by tingles / 01/19/2013 at 8:20am / United Kingdom (Solihull) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML
by Sawarski / 01/07/2013 at 3:09pm / United States / Love
Today, my husband came home with a bunch of realistic-looking wigs for women. When I asked them what they were for, he said he wanted to spice up our sex life with them. When I told him I refused to wear a wig, he said in a very serious tone that I wasn't going to be the one wearing them, he was. FML
by Anonymous / 01/02/2013 at 5:34am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…