About alexandrialala : My name is Alexandria, and I like the Internet.
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alexandrialala's favorite FMLs
by melas303 / 12/29/2012 at 7:22pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 12/20/2012 at 2:50pm / Spain (Canarias) / Animals
Today, after my girlfriend has recently become obsessed with the serial-killer show, Dexter, she has grown an interest in cutting up pomegranates in many different ways and squirting the red, blood-like juice everywhere. I am now afraid to argue with her. FML
by Anonymous / 12/15/2012 at 7:33am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, in class, I reached into my bag to pull out a tampon, which I hid under my sleeve so I could make a quick escape to the restroom. My teacher yelled at me, because she thought I'd taken out my phone. I then had to prove myself by showing the tampon to the whole class. FML
by bloodyfreakinawful / 12/14/2012 at 1:40am / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, I was in a public toilet, enduring an extremely awkward silence between myself and the person in the next stall. In my rush to get out of there, I managed to get my ass stuck in the toilet seat, and ended up being pulled out by the maintenance men. FML
by Anonymous / 11/25/2012 at 1:56am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML
by anon / 11/21/2012 at 2:34pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids
Today, I started dating a seemingly normal guy. Not even four hours into our relationship, he began telling me that he can see spirits, dead people, and that I have a large black dog following me everywhere I go. FML
by holyshitbatman / 11/08/2012 at 11:53pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
by SFra / 10/23/2012 at 9:19pm / United States / Love
by Yo Mr. White! ... BETCH! / 10/23/2012 at 6:47pm / United States (California) / Money
Today, I came home from college to find my favorite silk nightie that I had left behind being modeled by Bernie, the family dog. Nobody will admit to who put it on him. I don't know what's worse, that my family is a bunch of assholes, or that my nightie is big enough to fit a Saint Bernard. FML
by nicedoggy / 10/23/2012 at 2:05pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, my young son and I were in line at Subway. I guess he got bored and started to insult the teenage girl behind us. I tried to get him to stop, but he wouldn't listen. Eventually the girl punched him in the face and left. As my son cried uncontrollably, everyone else there clapped. FML
by Bratty son / 10/23/2012 at 12:25am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML
by bunintheoven / 10/23/2012 at 12:21am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, our kids left for the weekend so that my wife and I could have some much-needed alone time. We've been fighting a lot recently and really need some time to have fun together. Now it turns out that she doesn't want to be around me because of the fighting. FML
by marriedtoacunt / 10/19/2012 at 2:27pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love
Today, I got a job babysitting two really sweet kids. When their parents left, they told me that their cat had died. I told them how sorry I was, to which one of them replied, "That's okay. We still have him in a box. Wanna see?" FML
by Jessica / 10/18/2012 at 9:57pm / United States / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/17/2012 at 6:15am / Australia / Love
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…