Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

alaskanraccoon

Search for a member

alaskanraccoon
  • Town/Country : Alaska, usa
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 17 August 1997 (16 years)
  • Number of visits : 110
  • Number of comments : 7
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About alaskanraccoon : Message me anytime you want and I'll reply haha

alaskanraccoon's last visitors

MisterCrossmaxyutdtotallybananasNish007tea_brewersweet0cheeksSemperfi92340the_rude_dudenuux74killuminatirebelCheckMyProfileNakedandScared

alaskanraccoon's FML badges

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of alaskanraccoon's badges

alaskanraccoon's favorite FMLs

Today, while taking a walk in the forest, someone approached me and asked to borrow the knife I had clipped to my pocket. I happily obliged, assuming he just needed it as a tool. Instead, he used the knife to mug me, taking my cellphone and my wallet. I was robbed with my own knife. FML

Today, my husband of 3 years learned that he's going to be a father. No, I'm not pregnant. FML

#20726687
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60500) - you deserved it (3695)

On 06/15/2013 at 12:28am - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend was extremely nervous to meet my parents but I made him do it anyway. One of the first things out of his mouth was, "I'm glad you had sex." When they gave him a look of shock, he added, "You know, when you made your daughter! She's awesome!" FML

Today, my girlfriend decided to wake me up from a nap by kissing me. I started kissing her back passionately, when she slapped me. Apparently, kissing her back automatically without "confirming her identity" counts as cheating. FML

#20688020
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55286) - you deserved it (3708)

On 05/26/2013 at 8:21pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went out to meet a wonderful woman I'd chatted with online. I did have a few fears about if she was really just some guy trying to make a fool out of me. When I met her, she really was a girl, and was happy to see me. Problem: she was actually 13. I'm 34. FML

#20444863
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21519) - you deserved it (7168)

On 01/06/2013 at 12:24pm - love - by lifsabtch (man) -

Today, I had been trying to text my girlfriend all day, but no reply. After a while, I became worried so I called. She picked up and said, "Can't talk, busy." Not even a minute later, my best friend says to me, "Dude, tell your girlfriend to leave me alone. She's been texting me all day." FML

#20407951
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39600) - you deserved it (2583)

On 12/19/2012 at 6:31pm - misc - by SugarMyBalls (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend found my list of women I've had sex with, complete with the ratings I'd given them. The list is in chronological order. She's not only not the highest rated, she's not last on the list. FML

#20024660
500 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10413) - you deserved it (144987)

On 08/16/2012 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend, I heard a popping noise, and then had a sharp pain in my dick. Turns out I "broke" it. Instead of calling 911 immediately, my girlfriend remarked how my now black and blue penis looked like a Smurf. FML

#20003323
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25729) - you deserved it (5619)

On 08/05/2012 at 1:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, in a rush to get my clothes back on at my girlfriend's house at the sound of her parents opening the front door, I forgot to take the condom off. Her dad watched it fall out of my pant leg and onto the kitchen floor. FML

#19710621
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17871) - you deserved it (37321)

On 05/31/2012 at 4:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I learned that "eating someone out" didn't actually involve food. FML

#16410366
402 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14941) - you deserved it (72851)

On 05/29/2011 at 11:34pm - intimacy - by yummy - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend of 3 years in his living room when a girl barges in, sees us, and screams "I knew it!" then rushes out. My boyfriend gets up, grabs his pants and while chasing after her yells "baby she's nothing, you know I only love you!" FML

#9695428
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58382) - you deserved it (5162)

On 04/07/2010 at 12:21am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (West Virginia)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: