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akragra's favorite FMLs
Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his friends about how great the sex was last night, and how he loves to "make a bitch bend over". We've been dating for 3 years, and haven't made love in several weeks. FML
by Username / 07/08/2011 at 2:12am / United States / Intimacy
by Yoda / 07/08/2011 at 1:23am / United States (New York) / Geek
by Nick / 07/08/2011 at 1:19am / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I met my boyfriend's sophisticated grandparents. I politely introduced myself. The first words to come out of his granny's mouth were, "If something happens to him, you won't get a f*cking cent of the insurance money, you hear?" FML
by Jessica / 07/07/2011 at 8:58pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Money
Today, I helped myself to some homemade biscuits that had been left in the kitchen. I thought they looked a little odd, but they tasted pretty good. I found out later they were homemade dog treats. FML
by Anonymous / 07/07/2011 at 6:52pm / United States (Maine) / Animals
by shit / 07/07/2011 at 3:43am / United States / Kids
Today, I decided to pay a surprise visit to my family after I got some work leave. I drove over and knocked on the door, and a young couple answered. Apparently, my entire family decided to move to Texas, and didn't bother to tell me. FML
by danielle887 / 07/07/2011 at 1:53am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/06/2011 at 7:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by THOMASisMYname / 07/06/2011 at 1:06pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
Today, my girlfriend who was planning on waiting until marriage for sex decided to have sex with me. It's been 4 hours and she hasn't stopped crying, praying and calling me the devil's temptation. FML
by devilboy / 07/06/2011 at 7:26am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/06/2011 at 7:06am / United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got home to three boys riding bikes out in front of my house, smiling at me. I instantly thought they were checking me out, so I smiled sweetly at them. Turns out they were flaunting the fact that they just stole all 3 of our bikes. FML
by Emily / 07/06/2011 at 4:33am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous
by Anna / 07/06/2011 at 2:15am / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy
Today, I was flipping through a magazine and saw an ad that had the line "No corn, no wheat, no soy", all of which I'm severely allergic to. I got so excited at the prospect of having a food I could eat, I fell out of my chair. I then realized it was an ad for dog food. FML
by ChelseaRae / 07/06/2011 at 1:11am / United States / Health
by Username / 07/05/2011 at 10:54pm / United States / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got… 3Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for…
- Today, I checked in at a hotel, got the keys and went up to my room. However, there seemed to be a… Today, I threw up when I got home because I'd been drinking with friends. My parents asked what was… Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he…