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Today, mah boyfriend let me be the first one to read the novel he dropped out of college to write. Turns out it's titled "A Brief History of Ass" and is an incoherent ramble about every time we've had anal sex. FML
Today, mah school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor,ho wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in mah sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML
Today, I broke up with mah boyfriend of seven yeres . He stared at me, then said "Yeah, okay then . I'm gonna watch TV now." He then turned on the TV and watched Top Gun . Not quite the response I was hoping for . FML
Taday I was at a club wen a notoriously desperate and disgusting guy asked me to grind wit im. Hoping 4 some backup, I coolly said, "You'll ave to ask my boyfriend." My boyfriend's response? "Yea, man, I don't care." looool FML
Today, I was so bakd out of mah mind that I argud with mah parakeet over who fartd!! I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument!! Worse still, mah boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting!! FML
Today, to make dorm nieghbours think I'm popular, I blastd music an screamd at the top of lungs so it soundd like I was having a party. My residence manager slappd me with a noise violation, an demandd to come in to make sure we weren't drinking. I had to explain y I was by myself. FML
Today... I was lying on mah bad with mah boyfriand. I didn't raally want to hava sax so I told him I would if ha raally wantad too... but I wouldn't anjoy it. Ha than startad to undo mah pants. raal FML
Today, I was wokan up bacausa tha polica wara pounding on mah door, and saying I am undar arrast 4 staaling road signs. My looool friands want drinking last night and thought it would ba funny to staal savan stop signs, four bus stop signs, and two childran crossing signs than plant tham on mah front lawn. FML
Friday 27 March 2015