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actionjackkk

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actionjackkk

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actionjackkk's favorite FMLs

Today, after years of bad blood, my husband decided to invite his parents to dinner. After making rude remarks about my pregnancy, his dad eventually muttered that I'm a slut. My husband punched him, his wife called the police, and now I'm all alone while he sits in a jail cell for battery. FML

#20030486
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27379) - you deserved it (1587)

On 08/19/2012 at 7:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, I had to finally accept that my husband is too large for me. Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except my private parts can't handle it. After several infections brought on after vaginal tearing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up my sex life. FML

#20028986
325 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47308) - you deserved it (3355)

On 08/18/2012 at 10:48pm - intimacy - by sal (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML

#20027548
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37624) - you deserved it (2168)

On 08/18/2012 at 1:15am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, at the beach, my boyfriend picked me up and carried me over his shoulder. I felt my bikini top come undone in the process. I panicked and pulled down on his shorts. We were fined for indecent exposure. FML

#19757535
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21496) - you deserved it (8992)

On 06/08/2012 at 10:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML

#19734981
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26903) - you deserved it (2821)

On 06/04/2012 at 8:54pm - animals - by Scared (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly. After a few drinks, he called a cab for us. When it arrived, I seducingly asked, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both. I'll go to mine and you go to yours" and walked away. The cab driver laughed the whole way home. FML

#19509709
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26444) - you deserved it (10983)

On 04/22/2012 at 3:01am - misc - by ultraattitude - United States (California)

Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML

#19450302
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9463) - you deserved it (33173)

On 04/11/2012 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by potassiumgirl - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML

#19276120
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28817) - you deserved it (18060)

On 03/14/2012 at 3:51am - misc - by daddy-o - United States (Utah)

Today, while sitting on the toilet, I noticed there was no toilet paper left, so I dug through my purse to use my one and only pad as a substitute. It clogged the toilet, and I started my period ten minutes later. FML

#19035174
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30845) - you deserved it (17235)

On 02/09/2012 at 4:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was texting the guy I like. He's really smart, funny, athletic, and cute. This all changed when he told me he was jacking off. FML

#18956321
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24303) - you deserved it (7992)

On 01/30/2012 at 9:50pm - intimacy - by idrathernotgiveoutmyname (woman) - Canada

Today, my wife posted on Facebook, "FUCK THA POLICE!" She got 40 likes. I'm a police officer. FML

#18829619
302 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40136) - you deserved it (9625)

On 01/16/2012 at 10:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got to say, "My best friend hooked up with my step-sister's grandma's aunt" and be correct. FML

#18465565
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25555) - you deserved it (2273)

On 12/09/2011 at 12:22am - love - by thatisnotcool45 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend dropped by my work to break up with me. I had to go the rest of my shift with a smile, fighting back tears. I work as the Cinderella at Disney Land. FML

#18358033
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66444) - you deserved it (3220)

On 11/26/2011 at 4:54pm - love - by notsohappilyeverafter - United States (California)

Today, a woman and her daughter came into the store I work at. The girl placed a pair of underpants on the counter, and confessed she had stolen them earlier. Assuming she had already heard a lecture, I simply thanked her for bringing them back. Her mom yelled at me for not yelling at her. FML

#18304888
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30873) - you deserved it (2905)

On 11/21/2011 at 2:02am - work - by disciplinaryaction (woman) - United States (Connecticut)



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