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Today, I went to the ice cream shop after dinner. I am deathly allergic to nuts so I picked the vanilla. I take one bite and feel something crunchy, and see what I thought was an almond in the cup. I spit out the icecream in a panic. Good news? It wasn't an almond. Bad news? It was a cockroach. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35043) - you deserved it (1535)
On 12/08/2009 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, I set off a fire alarm in school. I was taken to the head teacher's office, where he said that though he was shocked at my behavior, it was nice to see me being more like regular students and trying to fit in, instead of isolating myself as usual. I was shoved into the fire alarm by bullies. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31633) - you deserved it (1906)
On 12/04/2009 at 11:35am - misc - by tawan - United Kingdom (London)
Today, a man stopped me to tell me I was the most beautiful woman he'd seen all day. He promptly followed that up with: "Then again, you are the only woman I've seen today, so, it can only go up from here." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23533) - you deserved it (2067)
On 11/25/2009 at 3:26pm - misc - by saywhatnow (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I found a gift card under my bed that I lost a few months ago for $400 to a store that went out of business last week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26151) - you deserved it (8916)
On 11/17/2009 at 4:19pm - money - by fmfl (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I found out that my dad has been having an affair. With my formerly favorite teacher. The best part? Yesterday, she announced to the class that she was pregnant. I clapped and congratulated her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36017) - you deserved it (1423)
On 11/15/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, someone at work was bragging that their son was high school valedictorian and offered a full college scholarship. 7 years ago, I was also valedictorian and got that same scholarship. All I said was, "Congratulations. Did you want fries with that?" and continued taking their order. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31276) - you deserved it (5119)
On 11/07/2009 at 11:04am - work - by John (man) - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, I took this gorgeous girl from work to eat at Olive Garden. I was trying to be romantic and had the waiter bring two glasses of wine. I guess she doesn't really drink wine, she covered her fettucini Alfredo in vomit. After dinner, she thanked me with a french kiss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24918) - you deserved it (5639)
On 10/30/2009 at 2:02am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was cooking. I leaned over the stove to preheat the oven, and burned my nipple on a pot of boiling water. I also have a teething son who is breastfeeding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31360) - you deserved it (7779)
On 10/25/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by roadbikemama (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my cousin and I were out on the boardwalk. I walked to the railing next to a man and said, "Great view isn't it?" Then I found out that the man was blind and had a seeing eye dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19370) - you deserved it (7428)
On 10/24/2009 at 10:14pm - animals - by RC (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I discovered that when you're the maid of honor giving a toast at your best friend's wedding, it's important to make sure the zipper on your dress is secured. Otherwise, your bare breasts and Hello Kitty panties could end up exposed to a wedding party of 600 people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33483) - you deserved it (6169)
On 10/24/2009 at 12:11pm - misc - by meg265 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I went to the post office and as I entered the building my car alarm went off. Thinking I'd accidentally pressed the alarm on my keys, I shut it off without looking. When I returned to my car, the passenger window was demolished and my purse with all my money was gone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7053) - you deserved it (28901)
On 10/24/2009 at 12:19am - misc - by kiran - United States (California)
Today, this guy who likes me accused me of cutting myself. I asked him what he was talking about, and he said, "Don't lie, I saw those scars on your thighs when we went swimming." I have stretch marks on my inner thighs, and now I have to explain them to him so he doesn't think I cut myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26856) - you deserved it (2371)
On 10/22/2009 at 3:41am - misc - by tessykins - United States (California)
Today, I won an award at school for my hard work. Afterwards, my parents told me off. Why? They wanted my brother to get it instead of me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27020) - you deserved it (1056)
On 10/14/2009 at 4:21am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, a customer at work became violent and started hitting me and my coworker. Not wanting him to get the shit beat out of us, I used a move that pinned the guy on the ground. The police came and he was arrested. I was then fired for assaulting a customer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31818) - you deserved it (1543)
On 10/12/2009 at 12:16am - work - by selfdefense - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I was babysitting my niece when we decided to play hide and seek. I went in the shed, and waited. After waiting a while, I went to go back inside to see what was happening. I saw my niece had locked all the doors and was eating cookies on the kitchen bench. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8785) - you deserved it (25831)
On 10/07/2009 at 6:42am - kids - by vbscb (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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