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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was eating M&Ms on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (45754) - you deserved it (10322)
On 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm - misc - by awilson (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I got my renewed driver's license. It clearly indicates 'Sex: F'. My beard and penis beg to differ. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36417) - you deserved it (2470)
On 09/06/2009 at 1:10pm - misc - by HeShe (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, while giving a lecture about gases to a large chemistry class, I went outside to let loose an unusualy loud fart while they took some notes. I came back in only to see 300 students dying of laughter. I had left the wireless mic on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10054) - you deserved it (29919)
On 09/04/2009 at 12:30am - work - by DrGas (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML
I agree, your life sucks (59781) - you deserved it (4655)
On 08/10/2009 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33488) - you deserved it (56079)
On 08/05/2009 at 1:28am - intimacy - by unbelievable208 (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my mom was really mad at me and I was driving her to the grocery store. As she was coming out, I decided to be a good daughter and drive right up to the door so she doesn't have to walk to the car. I ran her over. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34936) - you deserved it (16826)
On 08/05/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by oops (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting a bit steamy. After a few minutes, he jumps up and runs over to the closet and puts on a long brown jacket putting the hood over to his eyes. He looks me in the eyes and says 'I am Obi Wan Kenobi and I'm going to slay you with my light saber'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40814) - you deserved it (6905)
On 08/02/2009 at 3:17am - misc - by dam01 (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I said to the pool-boy of my house: “I know what you are doing and you have to stop it.” He started shouting that I had no right to tell them what to do and that they were in love. He was referring to his relationship with my eldest son. I wanted to tell him to stop drinking my beers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45492) - you deserved it (5884)
On 07/23/2009 at 7:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Greece (Attiki)
Today, I got very dressed up and was excited for my uncle's wedding. While standing in line for photos, I heard my dad's voice from behind me say "Who's the hot chick in the brown dress?" My uncle responds "Uh, that's your daughter." Silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56283) - you deserved it (2824)
On 07/23/2009 at 12:26am - misc - by Rory (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I set up a camera in my kitchen to see who was stealing my cookies. Turns out my mom had her boyfriend over. Good news, the cookies are safe. Bad news, I now have something recorded that I never wanted to see in my life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33243) - you deserved it (9557)
On 07/21/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by Pimp-Daddy (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I caught my little brother peeping at my friend getting dressed in the bathroom. When I asked him what he was doing he said "I'm just doing what Ray does to you while you're in the bathroom." Ray is my new step dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (91578) - you deserved it (2482)
On 07/07/2009 at 8:36pm - intimacy - by Nicole (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at the zoo. With a Ring Pop. He was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52356) - you deserved it (8698)
On 07/04/2009 at 12:49am - love - by Cococautly (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me, with the same guy I was cheating on him with. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50691) - you deserved it (129469)
On 07/03/2009 at 10:16am - misc - by shandrith (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend. Suddenly he starts speaking gibberish. I ask what's wrong? He says, "I was just talking to my unicorn. He says you're pretty," and winks at me. What have we learned today? The person I like is a freak, and apparently unicorns are real. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49154) - you deserved it (7836)
On 06/12/2009 at 12:49pm - love - by unicorn (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
I agree, your life sucks (85958) - you deserved it (50908)
On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
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