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About abhi95 : Bleeh!
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TODAY, I WENT TO GET MY HAIR CUT. MY STYLIST HAD THE GREATEST TATTOO OF A RAT ON HER ARM. I SPENT THE WHOLE APPOINTMENT THINKING ABOUT HOW COOL THE TATTOO WAS, AND WHAT AN INTERESTING PERSON SHE MUST BE TO CHOOSE SUCH A THING. SO I COMPLIMENTD HER ON IT AND SHE SAID, "OH IT'S A WOLF." FML
Today after waiting 2 hours 4 mah landlord to leave so I could take a shit in peace I sat down on the toilet. The doorbell immediately rang. It was mah landlord who wantd to let me know that he had just backd into mah car. FML
Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. My date took one look at me and said pityingly, ( Stuffed yur bra, didn't ya? Seriously, y even bother? ) The douche then started trying to lecture me on ( false advertising ). FML
Today I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could fine was some kind of Mexican fruit drink but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and putted her to bed to cover it all up. FML
Yesterday, my pregnant wife's parents called me at work, saying she'd been crying inconsolably an wouldn't say wat was wrong. After pleading with my boss, I rushed home. Turns out there was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad an she felt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML
2day I took mah girlfriend out to a restaurant for her birthday!! She had to go to the toilet while there, and when she cummed back, she was crying!! When I asked why, she said "I'm on mah period!" and sobbed loudly in front of everyone that we couldn't have birthday sex!! mega FML
Today, I wrote a text to te guy I've ad a crus on fir two years. I typed "ey" and putted ma pone down, not ready to send it. A little wile later, I eard it buzz. Te reply said "Um... wat?" Apparently ma sister ad added "I'm a sitty prostitute" to ma text and sent it. FML
Today, normally very modest an prissy mom came home, pissed off about something. I asked her wat was wrong, but she wouldn't say, an snapped at me to "fuck off". She then grounded me 4 "making" her use that kind of "vile language". FML
Friday 27 March 2015