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abetheanimal

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abetheanimal

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  • Number of visits : 554
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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abetheanimal's favorite FMLs

Today, I went over to a guy's house for dinner. He ended up getting really drunk and started crying, telling me that I reminded him of his dead ferret. Distraught, he tearfully showed me her ashes. FML

#16271317
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33595) - you deserved it (4599)

On 05/20/2011 at 7:33pm - misc - by SophieGray - United States (New York)

Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her with his fork. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he barked back, "Just making sure she isn't a blow-up doll!" FML

#16271302
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39813) - you deserved it (4118)

On 05/20/2011 at 7:30pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up face-down in my grandfather's driveway, soaking wet with no pants, glitter in my hair, and holding an empty Skippy peanut butter jar. No one will tell me what happened. FML

#16258570
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32947) - you deserved it (20263)

On 05/19/2011 at 9:38pm - misc - by Devon (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my 53 year-old art teacher told me she's excited about going clubbing this weekend. I'm excited about watching a special on the History Channel. FML

#16249376
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27277) - you deserved it (6063)

On 05/19/2011 at 6:11am - misc - by ThisPerson - Canada

Today, I won the lottery. My ex-girlfriend has the ticket. I just broke up with her. FML

#16221973
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49531) - you deserved it (25931)

On 05/17/2011 at 1:34pm - money - by anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was taking a dump and I pushed so hard that I got light headed and passed out on the floor. FML

#16168525
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36148) - you deserved it (12817)

On 05/14/2011 at 6:43am - health - by BrownDump - United States

Today, as a prank, a friend and I tied a 10 dollar bill to a fishing line, and yanked it away from people as they reached for it. It was going really well until one of our victims pulled a knife and chased us around the block. FML

#16144015
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13373) - you deserved it (53074)

On 05/12/2011 at 1:53pm - misc - by Jackassed - United States (New York)

Today, I went into the women's bathroom and was warmly greeted by a man masturbating on one of the sinks. FML

#15712381
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44725) - you deserved it (4003)

On 04/09/2011 at 6:00pm - intimacy - by Jill - United States (New York)

Today, my mother called to uninvite me from Christmas, my ex-wife is going and she doesn't want it to be awkward for her. FML

#14170475
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36272) - you deserved it (2483)

On 12/11/2010 at 8:55pm - misc - by kingkarnie - United States

Today, I found out that the only way to get my boyfriend to last more than one minute in the sack is to let him watch cartoons while we do it. FML

#13590794
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28785) - you deserved it (3804)

On 10/25/2010 at 3:05pm - intimacy - by shiznit - United States (Florida)

Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML

#11994829
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38343) - you deserved it (3762)

On 07/20/2010 at 12:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally got my first kiss. I was so excited, I pissed myself. FML

#11324047
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40133) - you deserved it (27124)

On 06/20/2010 at 1:12am - love - by PissyPants (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got no happy birthday wishes from anyone. I decided to call my sister to see if she'd remembered. My 6-year-old niece answered, so I told her it was my birthday. She said that it's tomorrow. After ten minutes of arguing with a 6-year-old, I checked the calendar. It's tomorrow. FML

#6476260
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7111) - you deserved it (53509)

On 11/27/2009 at 9:26am - misc - by forgotmyownbirthday (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a letter, turns out it was the wrong address. My panties are now somewhere in Canadian post. FML

#6282921
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7865) - you deserved it (37491)

On 11/13/2009 at 12:45am - love - by cndpost (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I sat to the right of a girl I really like. I passed her a note asking her to homecoming. She read it, then hurriedly passed it to a hideous girl sitting on her left, who said yes, then hugged me. FML

#5598991
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34443) - you deserved it (10422)

On 10/02/2009 at 1:34am - misc - by asshole (man) - United States (Oregon)



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