I have no life.
Today, I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10176) - you totally deserved it (30582)
On 06/01/2009 at 9:53pm - health - by dearme (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my husband of ten years was playing the Sims. I asked him about the house he built. Apparently, it was his dream house, and he recreated himself as a Sim so he could live in it. Then I asked him where the wife was. There was no wife. It was his happy place. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35440) - you totally deserved it (5912)
On 05/31/2009 at 1:36pm - misc - by Anonymous - Poland (Katowice)
Today, I met this really nice guy at the mall and he gave me his number. Later that night, I texted him. We got on the subject of food, and I started talking about how much I love veal. He responded with saying I was supporting animal murder, that I should go to hell and lose his number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30701) - you totally deserved it (11801)
On 05/30/2009 at 11:34pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, while playing The Sims 2, I realized I had a virtual person's whole life planned out, and have nothing planned out for myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14262) - you totally deserved it (30319)
On 05/25/2009 at 5:42pm - misc - by drurbanXVII (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I spent the whole day seeing how many licks it would take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop: 763. I'm 24. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33811) - you totally deserved it (12364)
On 05/23/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by Tootsy_Roll_Pop (man) - United States
Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (13804) - you totally deserved it (213855)
On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I babysat 3 year old twins. They have a huge dry erase board hanging inbetween their beds. After they fell asleep I drew a very detailed and large drawing of a penis. When I went to erase it I realized it was in Sharpie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22736) - you totally deserved it (243202)
On 03/15/2009 at 1:47pm - kids - by babysitter (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (220880) - you totally deserved it (244783)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I woke up and it was Monday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16077) - you totally deserved it (3773)
On 01/26/2009 at 9:58am - misc - by buddy - United States (Michigan)
Today, I used mapquest to get to LA to visit my friend. Turns out I ended up in Compton, and got shot at while driving. Compton isn't LA. Mapquest lied. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14267) - you totally deserved it (2416)
On 01/24/2009 at 1:22pm - love - by Noname - United States (California)
Today, I danced with a girl until the bar closed. We went back to my place. She had a penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23424) - you totally deserved it (3854)
On 01/22/2009 at 6:27pm - love - by Noname - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was so bored that I filmed my goldfish while it was eating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8451) - you totally deserved it (2278)
On 01/10/2009 at 3:21am - misc - by Crystal - France (Ile-de-France)
Today, I wanted to see if the frying pan was hot. I no longer have fingerprints. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2603) - you totally deserved it (20483)
On 12/15/2008 at 12:36am - misc - by bip - France (Ile-de-France)
Today, whilst brushing my teeth, I fell asleep poking myself in the eye with my toothbrush. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10373) - you totally deserved it (6081)
On 11/09/2008 at 4:18am - health - by Noname - France (Ile-de-France)
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