Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

_asshleeyy_

Search for a member

_asshleeyy_

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 17 October 1998 (15 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 104
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

_asshleeyy_'s FML badges

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

_asshleeyy_'s favorite FMLs

Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away, because I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of my face, up my nose and into my eye. FML

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML

#20154996
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16367) - you deserved it (26917)

On 11/08/2012 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by shit.... (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, in the middle of a hot air balloon ride with my girlfriend, I asked her to marry me. She said no. The rest of the ride was the most awkward 2 hours of my life. FML

#20148134
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32099) - you deserved it (3852)

On 11/04/2012 at 10:26pm - love - by Tj Hunt - United States

Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML

#20147226
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17965) - you deserved it (11699)

On 11/04/2012 at 12:12pm - animals - by spiderwoman (woman) - Iceland (Gullbringusysla)

Today, I had my first orgasm. I also came to the realization that whenever I orgasm I get an uncontrollable case of hiccups for at least half an hour afterwards. FML

#20145633
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27614) - you deserved it (3121)

On 11/03/2012 at 11:52am - intimacy - by hiccups - United States (New York)

Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt like hell, was over in less than a minute, and he tried to reuse the condom for a second round. FML

#20144932
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36656) - you deserved it (5377)

On 11/02/2012 at 9:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I went to the hospital in labor expecting a baby boy. I ended the day with identical twins, a baffled doctor, and a husband convinced that our sons can clone themselves. FML

#20139353
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25582) - you deserved it (2376)

On 10/29/2012 at 9:30pm - kids - by CutestBoysEver (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had sex with this guy I had been crushing on for five years. It took longer to put my clothes back on than he lasted. FML

#20138883
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30442) - you deserved it (5907)

On 10/29/2012 at 4:49pm - intimacy - by le_evan - United States (California)

Today, after I gave birth to our first child, my husband looked at the doctor and seriously asked, "When do you circumcise the baby?" We had a baby girl. FML

#20138333
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23259) - you deserved it (2213)

On 10/29/2012 at 6:32am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while at a pool party, I found out the reason I got my new, white bikini at such a bargain price; it goes completely transparent when wet. I only realized this after everyone was staring at me and whistling. FML

#20119331
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19815) - you deserved it (11217)

On 10/16/2012 at 7:28am - misc - by bargainshopper (woman) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML

#20117813
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33107) - you deserved it (2537)

On 10/15/2012 at 8:10am - intimacy - by scarred_sibling - United States

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he said that I should go to the bathroom so we don't end up pregnant. When I asked why, he said that I need to "pee out the semen." I explained to him 5 times that I don't pee out of my vagina. He still doesn't get it. FML

#20107225
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34716) - you deserved it (5773)

On 10/08/2012 at 10:07am - intimacy - by bucollegegirl (woman) - United States

Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML

#6401291
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22191) - you deserved it (4039)

On 11/22/2009 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Arachnaphobic (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had my first blow job. My girlfriend thought it would be sexy to "caress" my ball sack. By caress she meant bitch slap from side to side. FML

#4267516
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59177) - you deserved it (8774)

On 08/03/2009 at 10:37pm - intimacy - by BeboKhaos (man) - United States (California)

Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML

#618909
377 comments

I agree, your life sucks (198739) - you deserved it (31496)

On 03/26/2009 at 7:41am - intimacy - by JAY22 (man) - United States (Florida)



Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML
  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: