Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

_anonymoose_

Search for a member

_anonymoose_
  • Town/Country : Canada
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 6045
  • Number of comments : 67
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

_anonymoose_'s last visitors

mcr2000Lop0MzZombicidalkingofswedesFreezeCiurchiwtfismyfmlDaaniellee1234

_anonymoose_'s FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

_anonymoose_'s favorite FMLs

Today, I heard my dad screaming in the hallway. Thinking he was having a heart attack I ran to the hall without looking where I was going. I slipped and slid towards my dad in what turned out to be a mass quantity of diarrhea from one of my two dogs. He was screaming because he stepped in it. FML

#5330246
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31765) - you deserved it (3382)

On 09/18/2009 at 10:27am - animals - by poopEVERYWHERE (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realized that when my new roommate said we could both use the condoms he bought, he didn't mean separately. FML

#5228952
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36915) - you deserved it (3829)

On 09/13/2009 at 1:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I went on a blind date with a guy who talked about himself in the 3rd person. Seriously. FML

#5219515
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43933) - you deserved it (5686)

On 09/13/2009 at 12:15am - love - by blind_date (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was in an unfamiliar building on campus and I needed to use the bathroom before class started. I walked in and saw a man at the sink. I said "Oh my god I'm sorry! I thought this was the women's washroom." It was. The very butch looking woman gave me a look of death. FML

#4957088
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33290) - you deserved it (7494)

On 08/31/2009 at 5:18pm - misc - by Cherie (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while eating at a restaurant, I commented to the waiter about how large the pizza was. He then writes down his number, pats his crotch fondly, and informs me that "everything" I'm going to find at that restaurant is going to be big. He was serious. FML

#4332436
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40084) - you deserved it (6476)

On 08/06/2009 at 11:05am - misc - by Screwupify (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. After a few minutes of conversing, he told me he didn't need to give me a ticket. He then asked for a date. I politely declined. After staring at me for a very long moment, he said "I think I'm going to have to give you that ticket after all." FML

#4255816
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42653) - you deserved it (23980)

On 08/03/2009 at 1:53pm - misc - by WearingOff (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back for the past few nights, and have complained of a "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML

#3837360
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42730) - you deserved it (6137)

On 07/17/2009 at 6:02pm - kids - by Divorcemenow (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was on the phone with a prospective blind date. He asked me to describe myself so I said that I was fun, attractive and a little chubby but not fat. My 7 year old sister walked up to me and screamed "Jesus doesn't like it when we lie!". FML

#2914098
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46006) - you deserved it (13147)

On 06/15/2009 at 3:11pm - love - by apparentlyugly (woman) - United States

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

#2772494
813 comments

I agree, your life sucks (113690) - you deserved it (71756)

On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I saw my super creepy live-in uncle standing in the kitchen holding a pair of my underwear and smiling at it, humming to himself. He didn't see me. I stood there for at least 30 seconds in shock, and when I backed away he was still looking at them. FML

Today, I had a really big debate in my English Class about the legalization of weed. My group had to state reasons why weed shouldn't be legal and no one except me had prepared. My partner came to class totally stoned. Our group lost the debate. We got a F. FML

#2492585
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45427) - you deserved it (6993)

On 06/01/2009 at 2:52am - misc - by crazyjohnny - United States (California)

Today, I was at a restaurant when I heard a young girl telling her father she didn't think she was pretty. When I got up to leave, I walked past her table and told her she was beautiful. Her dad then punched me in the face. FML

#1737355
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53255) - you deserved it (11233)

On 05/07/2009 at 11:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: