Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About _Murderface_ : Warning: Side effects include extreme dazzle and spontaneous jizzing at the very sight of him. Beware.
Also, I enjoy playing bass, and I'm in a record-breaking deathmetal/classical group called Chopin Block. Actually, fuck that, CB isn't even close to record-breaking. I enjoy decorating cakes.
You are most likely wondering why my default pic is a woman. Well, she is no ordinary woman. She is Lzzy Hale, vocalist, lead guitarist, and frontwoman for newcomer metal band Halestorm. She is also the love of my life. LOL JK I'm just madly in love with her. So have at it. (Picture of yours truly will be up soon.)
Bacon is my best friend.
Welcome to _Murderface_'s page.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, while cleaning around the house, I found a black bra that wasn’t mine. I confronted my husband about it, which turned into a massive fight. It turned out that the bra actually belonged to my son’s girlfriend I didn’t know he had. FML
Today, my pissed off girlfriend used window marker to write racist comments on my car window. This would include: nazi symbols, white power, and a few others I won't mention. I live in a predominately black neighborhood. FML
Today, I was about to take a crap when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML
Today, I was doing homework in my room when my roommate started meowing all of a sudden. Not only was he meowing, he started to make loud cat noises that resembled a cat being run over by a car. He's gonna be my roommate for the rest of the year. FML
Today, I opened up a can of tomato soup I'd taken from my parents' house recently. After eating the whole can, I started feeling a little off, so I checked the expiration date. It expired 12 years ago. FML
Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly neighbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML
Today, my crush came to my house to watch movies with me. We were sitting on the couch when he turned to me and said that he had had a dream about me the night before. I moved in to kiss him, thinking he liked me. He then added that I had fallen of a cliff and he had pissed himself laughing. FML
Friday 22 May 2015