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Today, I told my girlfriend that I would still care for her if she was a vegetable. She informed me that if I was a potato, she would cut me into chips. And fry me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5485) - you deserved it (2023)
Today, I realized the closest thing I've had to an intimate relationship with a female is the one I have with my cat. Even then, she ignores me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5588) - you deserved it (1201)
On 01/29/2012 at 2:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I woke up so pissed off that I yelled at my cereal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26584) - you deserved it (10541)
On 05/11/2011 at 10:33am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I finally taught my mom how to text message people. Now I get a message from her every 30 seconds saying "Hi". FML
I agree, your life sucks (19323) - you deserved it (11558)
On 02/21/2011 at 4:07pm - misc - by moweezy9 (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my cat died while walking around the kitchen. He had a heart attack when the toaster popped out two slices of bread. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37177) - you deserved it (2842) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27158) - you deserved it (46335)
On 12/11/2010 at 9:44am - kids - by parentfail (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, I decided to take a nap in the university library. I felt like I'd only closed my eyes for a minute, when a random guy woke me up to tell me that I'd been farting in my sleep for the last half hour, and that the librarian was becoming concerned. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20462) - you deserved it (6270)
On 12/06/2010 at 5:53pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I felt like adding my real middle name to my facebook name to make it look more professional. It was denied because they didn't feel it was a legitimate request. Minutes later, someone with the name of "Galactic Toast" friend requested me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20002) - you deserved it (2427)
On 12/01/2010 at 2:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my sixteen year old son told me that he's following his guidance counselor's advice: to do what his hero does for a living. The problem? His hero is SpongeBob Squarepants. His ambition in life is to become a fry cook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18283) - you deserved it (2912)
On 11/07/2010 at 3:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I had a wet dream about having sexual relations with a rubber duck. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23191) - you deserved it (6763)
On 10/09/2010 at 1:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)
Today, I got mugged by someone wearing a bear suit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27655) - you deserved it (3141)
On 06/01/2010 at 7:41pm - misc - by mugged (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my physics teacher accidentally lit me on fire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43582) - you deserved it (4464)
On 03/18/2010 at 11:22am - health - by human torch - United States
Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (70090) - you deserved it (14844)
On 08/06/2009 at 7:11am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me, with the same guy I was cheating on him with. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52088) - you deserved it (133740)
On 07/03/2009 at 10:16am - misc - by shandrith (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (121993) - you deserved it (29422)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
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