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Zorori's favorite FMLs
Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML
by smooth / 11/21/2013 at 11:10am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML
by B_and_W / 11/21/2013 at 6:35am / France / Kids
by Catcrap! / 11/18/2013 at 6:47pm / United States (California) / Animals
by kids next door / 11/18/2013 at 5:14am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
by CODgirl102 / 11/16/2013 at 12:17am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a panic attack when a huge spider ran over my hand. I screamed, wailed, and killed it with a shoe while shouting. Ten minutes later, police slammed on my door. My neighbor called them, saying it sounded like someone was being murdered. FML
by katchoo / 11/03/2013 at 2:34am / Denmark / Animals
by Anonymous / 10/20/2013 at 2:21am / United States (California) / Work
by Huedadaa / 10/18/2013 at 8:05pm / France (Picardie) / Kids
Today, my surgeon was talking to me about my upcoming heart bypass operation. I was extremely nervous from the start, but he somehow managed to keep saying things like "death", "fatalities", "high-risk", and "never wake up" throughout. FML
by DocBastard, meet DocCunt / 10/18/2013 at 6:12pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML
by Anonymous / 10/18/2013 at 1:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/16/2013 at 1:37pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML
by Anonymous / 10/06/2013 at 5:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by Mike Messenger / 10/05/2013 at 9:51am / United States (Florida) / Animals
by Kyra.45 / 10/03/2013 at 6:46pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
- Today, my boyfriend told me to call him "Daddy". I usually don't do this, but I played along. Turns… Today, I groom dogs for living and I've always loved my job, however on this particular shift I had… Today, I spent days making a beautiful clay rose for my girlfriend at camp to have my mom hold onto…
- Today, I’m on a mission in Africa. My company driver is so old, deaf and half blind that I have to… Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me that he listened to me yesterday: I said that I loved unusual… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish…