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Zic's favorite FMLs
by filipinoclari808 / 04/16/2009 at 2:47am / United States (Hawaii) / Love
Today, I sent a cover letter to a potential employer. In the letter, I talked about my great attention to detail, my strong ability to focus, and my stellar writing skills. After hitting send, I reread the letter and noticed that I typed my name "B-R-A-I-N." My name is Brian. FML
by jusfonzin / 04/16/2009 at 12:09am / United States (New York) / Work
Today, after two weeks of living on plain pasta, I finally got my paycheck and was excited that I'd get real food, and ride the subway instead of exhausting my malnourished body with the two-hour walk to work. My surname was misspelt on the check; the bank is holding it for ten days. FML
by A. / 04/15/2009 at 3:48am / Canada (Quebec) / Money
Today, my friend drove me me to catch the 8 pm train. Running late, we screeched into the parking lot at 7:57, stopped the car in a 'no stop' zone. I said goodbye to my friend, sprinted to my train and barely made it. Then, with the train in motion, I noticed my friend's car keys in my hand. FML
by Lo / 04/15/2009 at 1:14am / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I was walking down the street and I saw my brother on the other side of the road. He lives overseas and always told me he would visit when I least expected it. When I saw him, I got so excited I jumped on his back, screaming his name. It wasn't my brother. FML
by getslostinherownhouse / 04/14/2009 at 3:12pm / Spain (Madrid) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my driving test. Completing the test, we returned and parked at the testing facility. As my tester was complimenting me, I leaned down to wind my window up, catching my long hair in the window. Frantically thrashing, I put the car in drive and floored it into a concrete wall. FML
by Anonymous / 04/14/2009 at 1:17pm / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
Today, I took my 4-year-old daughter to the local pool for swim lessons. As we walked onto the deck she turned to me and said "Mom, that lady has really big boobs!" The whole pool heard, even the man my daughter was referring to. FML
by shizzy09 / 04/13/2009 at 4:09pm / United States (Washington) / Kids
by suckstobeme / 04/12/2009 at 5:41pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, I found out my blood type is B. My parents are type A and type O. It's not genetically possible to be blood type B if your parents are A and O. This means I am either an adoptee, a mutant, or an illegitimate child. FML
by hedgehog5 / 04/11/2009 at 3:14pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend got the breast implants she's been wanting for the last 5 years. When I went to pick her up at the hospital she said, "Maybe I can find a guy with a real job now!" I paid for her fake tits. FML
by Anonymous / 04/11/2009 at 11:47am / United States (Massachusetts) / Money
by Anonymous / 04/11/2009 at 12:12am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
Today, one of our regular customers came in and was telling me he bought an assault rifle. I told him not to go off his meds and shoot up the store, as a joke. Later, my manager told me that the guy is on antidepressants and was discharged from the military for being "mentally unfit." FML
by masterdisaster / 04/11/2009 at 12:07am / United States (South Carolina) / Health
by Anonymous / 04/10/2009 at 5:40pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
by blutownie13 / 04/09/2009 at 6:11pm / United States / Love
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The TV was on with the volume low, as we had been too preoccupied to turn it off. All of the sudden, my boyfriend stopped mid-thrust. He was watching the TV. House was on. My boyfriend stopped to watch the differential diagnosis. FML
by Anonymous / 04/09/2009 at 3:46pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy