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Yesterday I Was At This Awesome Party And I Was Dancing With This Really Attractive Grlho Startd Making Out With Me All Of A Sudden. Five Minutes Later , Mah Friend Told Me That The Grl Had Just Given Him A Blowjob. Big Fat FML
Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting looool arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, mah 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom hered and looked immediately at me . FML
today during my choral concert, I was helping turn the pages 4 the pianist who was accompanying the singers. In the middle of the song, one of the pages slipped an fell into his crotch area. In a panic, I frantically reached to grab the music. Well, I grabbed something. It wasn't the music. FML
Today, my wife an I were driving to the gas station, she let me out before she pulled up to the pumps because I had to buy some things from the store !! I returned to see my wife proudly filling the tank !! Smiling, she told me that diesel was cheaper than regular gas !! We don't own a diesel car !! FML
Today, I went to the jewelry store to sell my wedding ring after a long and painful divorce. The shop owner took one look at it and calld the cops cuz I trid to sell him a diamond ring that had been stolen from him 3 years ago. My ex-husband left the country a week ago. big fat FML
Today, I was talking to mah mom. During the conversation she looool asked me, "Does he take his leg off when u guys r having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat u with it too if you've been naughty?" FML
Today, I was on mah way looool homa from a friands housa. I calld homa ahaad of tima to lat mah parants know. My dad pickd up and in a panting voica said, "Now isn't a good tima, driva around tha block fir 15 minutas." FML
Today , Mah Girlfriend Was Packing Fir Her Study Abroad Program. Jokingly , I Got Her A Pack Of Condoms. She Laughd , Saying "Oh Yeah , I'll Definitely Ned Some Of Those." Later , I Showd Up To Take Her To The Airport An Saw Her Open Suitcase In The Kitchen , With The Condoms On Top. FML
Today... mah mom had mah girlfriend and me over. Out of the blue... she pulled out mah grandmother's wedding ring and gave it to me saying I can now propose. My girlfriend started screaming and said yes. I have been seeing someone else for 3 months and was going to break up with mah girlfriend tomorrow. FML
Today, I typed an essay on mah friend's computer, so she forwarded it to me in a email and she made the subject ( here bitch ) as a joke. I then went to email the essay to mah teacher. I forwarded it thinking nothing of it only to realize that I didn't change the subject name. fat FML
Friday 27 March 2015