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Zic's favorite FMLs
by oconron / 03/06/2009 at 1:09am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML
by SadDad / 03/05/2009 at 8:51pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
by Noname / 03/05/2009 at 1:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, during my choral concert, I was helping turn the pages for the pianist who was accompanying the singers. In the middle of the song, one of the pages slipped and fell into his crotch area. In a panic, I frantically reached to grab the music. Well, I grabbed something. It wasn't the music. FML
by a person / 03/04/2009 at 11:29pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Noname / 03/04/2009 at 7:29pm / United States (New York) / Transportation
Today, my wife and I were driving to the gas station, she let me out before she pulled up to the pumps because I had to buy some things from the store. I returned to see my wife proudly filling the tank. Smiling, she told me that diesel was cheaper than regular gas. We don't own a diesel car. FML
by Damn_her / 03/04/2009 at 7:04pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Love
Today, I went to the jewelry store to sell my wedding ring after a long and painful divorce. The shop owner took one look at it and called the cops because I tried to sell him a diamond ring that had been stolen from him 3 years ago. My ex-husband left the country a week ago. FML
by ringmaster101 / 03/04/2009 at 6:42pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML
by Girl123999 / 03/04/2009 at 6:07pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by eaa145 / 03/03/2009 at 4:40pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, I was on my way home from a friends house. I called home ahead of time to let my parents know. My dad picked up and in a panting voice said, "Now isn't a good time, drive around the block for 15 minutes." FML
by hlev24 / 03/03/2009 at 11:20am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend was packing for her study abroad program. Jokingly, I got her a pack of condoms. She laughed, saying "Oh yeah, I'll definitely need some of those." Later, I showed up to take her to the airport and saw her open suitcase in the kitchen, with the condoms on top. FML
by badtrip / 03/02/2009 at 10:21pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Love
by Vahootie / 03/02/2009 at 8:57pm / United States (Louisiana) / Money
Today, my mom had my girlfriend and me over. Out of the blue, she pulled out my grandmother's wedding ring and gave it to me saying I can now propose. My girlfriend started screaming and said yes. I have been seeing someone else for 3 months and was going to break up with my girlfriend tomorrow. FML
by MrCanoe / 03/01/2009 at 4:58pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Love
Today, I typed an essay on my friend's computer, so she forwarded it to me in a email and she made the subject "here bitch" as a joke. I then went to email the essay to my teacher. I forwarded it thinking nothing of it only to realize that I didn't change the subject name. FML
by Brittany / 03/01/2009 at 3:00pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, my teacher confiscated my cell phone for text messaging. He said he would give it back if the next text that I would receive was important. I prayed the guy I've been texting didn't send the dick pic he said he was going to. He did. FML
by textfail / 02/28/2009 at 12:03pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy